Better
by Francesca Montag
Summary: A human body with a very human single heart, no Tardis, and no time & space. But there's Rose - and all the emotions that resurface with her return. All he wants to do is be with her - but it won't be that easy. Human Doctor/Rose Rating will increase to M
1. Prologue

Rated Teen for now - will go up in rating later. Don't worry - I'll warn you.

Disclaimer: They aren't mine *sigh* sadly.

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><p><strong>Better<strong>

They walked side by side to her flat. Once they had reached it, he looked up. "This is different from the Powell Estate," he said, mesmerized by the elegance of the building.

Rose looked up and shrugged. "I didn't want to live with mum and Pete. I didn't even want to live _here_." She paused for a moment and looked up at the stars above. "Then I realized I didn't want to live anywhere that wasn't..." she trailed off.

He looked over at her, looking up at the stars, "that wasn't what?" he asked her. There was fear in his voice, a slight tremble in his hands. He wasn't used to the fierceness that came with his completely human emotions. He was always so skilled at hiding them when he was pure Time Lord. At least, he thought he had been.

Then, slowly, she looked at him, her eyes full of tears and pain and heartache. "That wasn't bigger on the inside."


	2. Beating Heart

The Doctor didn't know what to do with…_anything._

His hands were useless, his single heart was unnerving him and his hair…was just _not cooperating. _He stole a glance at Rose as they walked up the stairs to her flat. Concentrating on each step, she held onto the rail and her mouth was set at a pout. Her golden hair, the color different than he remembered, framed her lovely face. It was a face that had grown slightly older, but retained the beauty that would always uniquely belong to Rose Tyler.

The Doctor wanted her to look at him, to grab his hand – just so he could feel like he belonged somewhere. The feeling overwhelmed him – it was the feeling of being utterly alien. He smiled sadly at the thought – it slowly melted into a scowl. Must have been what Rose felt like, he thought. The Doctor looked over at her, taking note of the sadness etched in her features and the silence that enveloped them. Maybe she was still feeling that way.

Even if she had done those things, held his hand or tried an attempt at pointless chatter, he probably would have remained silent. There was still so much around in his massive-yet-different mind. He was angry at how he'd handled everything: the genocide, and leaving Rose without a proper explanation. Add to it the fact that he'd never see Donna – at least not the proper Donna – again. And he still had room for more immediate worries, such as the fact that he was, for the most part, quite human. His single heart would beat one single beat after the other until that one day in which it wouldn't. There would be no more regenerations, no new faces and quirks to get used to. No Tardis or universes, no more running. He felt his heart and mind spin into a panic. His feet kept on moving up one step after the other, his sneakers silent despite their apparent thumping.

And then he looked at her.

Rose kept her line of sight in front of her, focusing on the outside so as not to look too much on the inside. And that's when it fell into place.

He may no longer have the Tardis and time at his disposal. He may have to get a job and sleep and be human, but he'd do it next to _her_. He would die one day, but he'd do it after living on the slow path with Rose. Part of him feared that she wouldn't want him, wouldn't believe that he was who had always been to her since he was covered in leather, blue-eyed and floppy-eared.

Pushing his fear aside, he reached out and held Rose's hand, deciding that he would always fight to be with her. Rose stilled in her step and looked over at him. The Doctor could feel his heart beating worryingly fast and before he could ask her if that was what it felt like to have a heart attack, she intertwined her fingers with his and offered him a shy, scared smile. He mirrored hers as they continued climbing the final set of stairs.

xoxo

"Come on in, make yourself at home," said Rose as she opened the door to her very spacious flat. She left him in the doorway as she dropped her keys into a bowl that sat on a table off to the side. He hardly noticed it as the soft yellow color of the walls made him think of the coral struts in his Tardis. The memory both pained and delighted him. He half expected the coat closet to be bright Tardis blue, but it was a bright white instead.

She disappeared to what he saw was the kitchen and heard some clinking and then the rush of water from a pitcher. The Doctor stood awkwardly at the entrance of the kitchen which was shared with a sitting room. There was a large flat screen television, dark blue sofa that appeared to be the length of his body with plush beige carpeting. It all looked very spacious and posh, but he found that it lacked something.

His pensiveness was thwarted when Rose walked near him, handing him a glass of water. He took it gratefully as he suddenly realized that he was very thirsty.

"Go ahead then, have a seat," her voice sounded strained, a bit shy even. As if to motivate him, she rounded about her lonely sofa and sat down and looked at him expectantly. He rushed forward and down on the sofa so quickly that he dribbled some water he had in his mouth down his chin.

Rose smiled and chuckled despite herself and leaned forward to wipe the droplets from his chin. He sat very still as her touch reminded him of their heated kiss on the beach. His heart thumped loudly in his ears and he felt his palms perspire. How irritating.

Then, she just stopped. Her smile lifted from her face and in place of it there was a look so hauntingly pained that he hardly knew what to do with it. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could even attempt it, she interrupted him.

"You must be starvin' yeah? I think I'll order us something."

And with that she offered him a weary smile and stood up as she walked towards the kitchen where he heard a drawer being opened and a phone being dialed.

He turned around slightly so that his back was against the sofa's armrest. Rose was facing away from him, busy on the phone.

The Doctor knew that nothing stopped him from getting up and going to her. Nothing would stop him again from having what he wanted.

Except, of course, for Rose herself.


	3. Want

The Doctor was concerned.

His very human mind was racing fast, a speed which almost matched his heart. Wasn't the thinking process supposed to slow down a bit? If anything, it seemed like it had retained its velocity, but with a supplementary scramble of thoughts. The flashes of memories, ideas and thoughts were all disorganized in his mind. As soon as one thought came, there was a quick one following it – it gave him some sort of mental whiplash.

It also made his head hurt a bit.

He rubbed, practically dug, his fingertips into his temple. All it did was spread the pain more along his head. The Doctor looked up and towards the kitchen. Rose was apparently on hold by the restaurant. She leaned over the counter, her back still towards him. He could hear the tapping of her finger on the menu sheet she had in front of her. He made himself look away from the curves of her body.

He wanted her so badly that it was beginning to physically hurt him. The Doctor could be truthful now in admitting that he had always wanted Rose, ever since he first felt her skin against his as he dragged her from the fate of the Autons. But ever since becoming human, that _want_ that had always hibernated in his belly, in his hearts, and in his mind – it felt like it was everywhere, inundating him – it had become something so much more deeper than he ever thought it could be. Each touch, as innocent and accidental or intentional as it was, shook him to his very core. The Doctor spent so many years not being able to have her, not being able to take _this_ particular trip with her that now that it was gifted to him by the only person that _could_ give it to him – he didn't want to spend one moment of this life _not_ touching her.

It was driving him crazy. His mind thought back to every moment that he touched her and didn't want to stop. Each moment that he wanted to kiss her, linger near her… And as much as the Doctor knew that there were other things to think about, such as what would become of him, his identity, life without the planets and the Tardis, he couldn't help but make her the center of his thoughts, of his world, yet again. Rose had always maintained that spot and now that he was without everything that made him a Time Lord, she had only cemented the place that was already hers.

The Doctor couldn't remember ever thinking this much. Surely with being such a superior being he had to have had other thoughts besides those involving Rose in his mind…didn't he? If that was the case, then why could he not remember anything else that had ever seemed so important before? There had to have been something, he argued with himself, because if not – why _didn't_ he allow himself to be with her?

There was a heavy feeling suddenly weighing down on his shoulders, heart and stomach. The feeling trickled through his insides until every inch of him was trembling with the feeling.

Guilt.

Now that he no longer had the universe on his shoulders…now that he was human and therefore had simultaneously more and less time on his hands, he realized where the feeling came from.

It came from realizing how much he had kept from her. Not just his feelings and his knowledge and everything else, but happiness. Because they would have been happy, oh yes. It might have lasted decades or it may have lasted minutes, but they would have been _so_ happy.

But fear, his fear, always got in the way. And not once….not _once_…did he tell her what she most wanted and needed. What she deserved to hear. It took him losing what made him alien to finally say those words he had so desperately wanted her to hear.

The Doctor looked up to her from his seat on the sofa. Rose was finally ordering the take-away for them. He couldn't help but smile at the little mannerisms that hadn't disappeared with time: the way her tongue pressed against her teeth, the way she rolled her eyes up and stared at the ceiling while waiting impatiently for the person on the other end of the line to speak, and her leaning against the counter, one hip jutted out as her free arm hugged herself around the middle.

The guilt in his belly was fighting with the other feeling that had resided there. He wanted to get up and walk right over to her and whisper those words again and again in her ear. The Doctor wanted to wrap the words around the both of them, say it in a million different languages, but always come back to the one she understood best – all because she deserved to be told and because he was selfishly so tired of keeping it to himself.

But he didn't.

Because even though he was now one of the irrational, brilliant apes, he still knew enough to know that they would need time. And although he felt time was no longer a privilege he could partake in – he'd do it for her.

He would wait forever for her even when it wasn't his to give, not because he felt he owed it to her, not because she was his only connection to anything anymore…no, those were not the reasons.

The Doctor would wait forever for Rose Tyler because no matter on what universe, with what face and how many hearts, she would always be his plus-one, his pink and yellow human…

His forever.

_His_.

And, even if she didn't know it just yet, even if she didn't quite comprehend…there was one thing that Rose would have to come to understand.

The fact that he was most undoubtedly _hers_.

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><p><em>Hope you're enjoying it so far :) Thanks for reading :)<em>


	4. Confusion

_A longer chapter than usual - enjoy!_

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><p>Rose hung up the phone after ordering the take-away. Facing away from the Doctor, who was sitting on her couch, she looked out her kitchen window onto the darkened street below.<p>

The _Doctor _was sitting on _her _couch.

Was he _her _Doctor, she finally asked herself. As much as a stubborn part of her wanted to scream no at her, she couldn't help but feel it in her gut that the man who was sitting on her couch, looking as normal and human (because he was) as can be, _was _her Doctor. She couldn't fully understand it. Nor could she fully believe it. Working at Torchwood had taught her more than a thing or two, but even then, this metacrisis deal was beyond her knowledge because it was pure him.

She was angry. And hurt. But a good chunk of her insides were also entangled with twinges of happiness because for once…in four years – she didn't feel completely alone. Rose had her family and Mickey and a few new friends from work with whom she'd spend time with…but no one ever filled the void that he left when he left her. Still, she was angry at the Time Lord in the blue box. The blue box that had become her home and one she was given a chance to temporarily visit when she thought it would finally be forever. He took her choice. He had already taken so much from her.

Rose turned around, her phone firmly in her grasp, to face the man on her couch. The man whose hair was sticking up wildly, just like it always had. The man whose body was wearing a different suit, but whose eyes still made her shiver as they looked longingly into hers, just like he always tried to hide doing before. The man who remembered everything but could finally give her what she wanted most…a life with him by her side.

The Doctor was looking at her and she had the feeling that his eyes had never left her. She could feel so much in that look, emotions she could always see in him and others that were so new to her and yet felt so familiar because they hid underneath his skin when he touched her and his eyes when he would look at her. And now…now it was all there for her to see.

He was human now after all.

**xoxo**

The Doctor watched Rose as she set the phone down on the table in her kitchen and slowly walked over to where he was seated on the couch. He had watched her so closely so many times, but it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. In a way he was since it was the first time watching her with those eyes. Still, he felt his eyes crawling over her skin, and her curves. The only thing that was missing was her ever-brilliant smile. His heart felt a pang of hurt at it's loss, but he reminded himself that it wouldn't always be that way – he'd having her smiling again in no time. And now, the only difference was that he couldn't stop his eyes from looking at her, not like he had to before. There was only one heart in his chest, but it still beat with the ferocity of two.

She was still wearing her purple jacket and her black slacks that covered her so beautifully. He fought the urge to feel the material under his fingertips. In fact, the Doctor fought all urges to touch Rose right then. He had contented himself earlier with holding her hand, but had felt the emptiness overwhelm him as soon as her hand left his. To be on the safe side, he kept his arms and hands strictly at his sides as she sat next to him. Rose wasn't quite touching him but having her so close after being away from her was making him a bit impatient. The proximity dizzied him with the same effect as if he had been touching her.

Close, but not nearly enough.

But he'd wait, even if the waiting would hurt that much more now.

Rose, who had been sitting rigidly next to him, appeared to relax slightly as she turned to face him, bringing her leg up on the couch in the process.

"Will you be okay?" she asked, her voice tired and worried.

The Doctor couldn't decipher if she was asking about him, the quite human Doctor before her, or the _other _him…the lonely Time Lord. He had a feeling, however, that she was talking about them both.

"Me? I'll be fine. Wellll…a bit daunting now, the whole new universe, one heart thing…," he felt his eyes widen as the recent events sunk in, "Blimey, I'm going to have to have a real name, won't I? And a job…a job! Blimey…BLIMEY…Rose, where do I get a job?" He knew there was more than a twinge of desperation and fear in his voice, but he couldn't help it.

To his surprise, however, his babbling made Rose's lips widen in a smile. Not a polite smile like the ones she had been sending his way, but in an honest-to-goodness-Rose-Tyler smile. He could feel the corners of his mouth pinch up and his heart speed. The worries of a name and getting a job slowly melted away into the background.

And before he could stop himself, though not really finding a reason to do so, he said, "…but for that smile, you can call me whatever you want."

He then felt the need to add, "Within reason, of course."

After a quick pause, Rose burst out laughing and the Doctor felt his heart ache as he realized how long he had been without that laugh. And for once, for as long as he could remember, he let himself drown in the sound of it.

"What?" he eventually asked, his lips set in a smile.

Rose couldn't remember the last time she had laughed like that. Her laugh began to die off as she realized that she did remember…it was before the battle. And the last time she had smiled like that was when she saw her Doctor down that long street as she ran toward him.

Her laughter pattered out, and her smile dimmed just a bit as she stared at the human man in front of her. Rose found that she could not take her eyes off of him – some things simply did not change.

"It's like…it's like after regeneration," she said suddenly. Rose could feel her cheeks blush instantly.

He tilted his head to rest on his hand as he rested his arm against the back of the couch, and turned to face her. "What do you mean?" he asked her, honestly curious.

Clearing her throat, she tried to make the thoughts make sense to him, "Well, when you regenerated…you were the same…but slightly different, yeah?" He appeared pleased to realize that she was giving him a chance…that she was trying to understand him.

"So…you believe I'm the Doctor then?" he asked, hope tangled with his words. Still, she could hear a twinge of worry in his question.

Rose's smile faltered a bit more as she continued looking at him. His unruly hair, his slender frame, goodness…his _gob _– it had to be him. And yet there was a little something that wasn't. However, Rose couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing just yet.

The truth was that the entire situation was making her head swim. She'd wanted him with her for the longest time - and this reunion was as bittersweet as it could be. Was it him or was it someone or some_thing _completely different? Rose felt that she didn't know what to think. It had been awhile since she'd opened up to someone. She had fought to find herself beside the Doctor since the day she was yanked from it - but she never expected...him.

She reached forward to place a hand on his, resting against his thigh. There was a flash of something in his eyes as their skin met, something Rose could always remember seeing, but just as it was then – it was fleeting before it was to be described.

"I believe that you are…but I also believe that you are something entirely…you." She smiled gently, hopefully conveying to him that it wasn't a bad thing to be different. She may not know..._what_ was going on, but she also couldn't fight the innate urge to believe that he _was _the Doctor. The idea was causing her so much frustration within herself - so many emotions mingling and storming. Rose pushed them away for the time being.

The Doctor, unaware of her worries, grinned at her as they shared their silence.

Eventually, Rose broke it, "Are you…are you…" She didn't know how to ask the question without breaking her heart. It had already been broken so much that day.

He stopped cradling his head and instead put that hand to much greater use by covering hers. It suddenly felt like he had never stopped touching her.

"Rose, you can ask me anything…especially now." He meant every word.

Rose wanted to ask about the end of his sentence, but decided to leave it for later.

"Are you…upset…that he left you?" Her voice broke at the end.

She watched as the sparkle in his eyes dimmed just a tiny bit.

**xoxo**

The Doctor looked down at their hands and repeated her words over and over in his quite-human mind. _Was _he upset? He felt that he couldn't answer the question because the _he _in question was still him. And it was very hard to be completely upset, albeit with no Tardis or way to travel the stars, when he was able to keep Rose.

He knew, of course, that Rose wasn't his. Not right now anyway. But still, any option that offered him the chance to see her, to touch her and to know that she was only a walk, phone call or hug away was enough.

It was more than enough after everything that had happened between them.

So when he said his answer, he meant it.

"No."

There was relief in her eyes, though the sadness still shined through. He didn't want to ruin the suddenly warm silence between them, but he needed to know.

"Are…are you upset…that…he left?" he didn't know what to expect from his question. Rose was a brilliant person, brilliant beyond anything he had ever seen from any human or otherwise – but even he didn't expect her to accept him so easily.

Sadness seemed to have conquered her eyes and he had a sudden fear that she would take her hand away from him, but she didn't. Still, the sorrow didn't leave her face – nor did he expect it to.

But would it ever?

Rose waited a moment before answering his question. Her quiet voice filled her flat as she looked on at their clasped hands, "I don't know. I waited so long…I worked _so _hard…to get back to…you…him…" she shook her head and smiled half-heartedly. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. His chocolate-brown eyes searched hers and their look made her heart skip a beat…or two.

In attempt to understand her own feelings, she started again, "I worked so hard…Doctor…to get back to you. And even though you're here…" she loosened out of his grip so she could trail her fingertips over his knuckles. Rose never thought she would see or feel his hands again. "…even though you're here, it hurt that it looked effortless for you to leave me behind. Again."

The Doctor was about to protest, his brow already furrowing, when Rose held up her hand, stopping him.

"I know that it wasn't effortless. I know you didn't choose to leave me behind the first time…" A few tears escaped her eyes without her consent; she swiped them away before he could see. But of course he did.

"…Even though you didn't choose to the first time, Doctor…this time…this time you did. And I know you're here – but…it's all so confusing right now," she let out an exasperated sigh, but didn't stop trailing her touch along his skin.

It was difficult to say the words - to speak them so honestly with him. She felt she was betraying the Doctor, the one in the beautiful blue box – but how could she lie to him?

It would be too easy…way too easy to pick up where they left off. Mostly because Rose didn't want to continue the way they were…not with the limitations. She'd been without him in so long that any idea she might have had of going slow and letting him set their pace had flown out the window.

But this was different. This was a whole new Doctor and yet not. Any ideas of taking this at a fast pace were out of the question. She hardly even knew how to feel about it.

Still, just sitting with him made her body ache. He was human – which meant that they would actually be able to move forward if they both wanted to.

Did he want to?

Did she?

She didn't know. But it felt good to laugh again, to talk to him, to be touching him.

But how could she move forward with him when the Doctor was still out there, somewhere, without her?

**xoxo**

He looked at her with a plethora of emotions twisting in his eyes. There was a happiness mixed with hope in the fact that she wasn't outright rejecting him. But there was also a heart-wrenching pain in his lone heart at the thoughts that seemed to be passing through her mind. Didn't she realize that this was the only way he could have what he wanted and give her the like in return? There had to be some sacrifice and even though she thought that _she _was the one being sacrificed…or the whole of time and space and the Tardis for him – the real sacrifice was the Time Lord Doctor taking himself out of the equation. He took himself out so that part of him could live that life on the slower path – the one he had always wanted for himself.

Even if he didn't dare admit it.

Rose was not the consolation prize for the two Doctors; she was _the _prize, _the _reward, _the _blessing. And he, the human-one-heart-mortgage-and-real-name Doctor, was the lucky one. How could he make her understand how much went into his decision?

"Rose," he heard his voice caress her name with such tenderness that her eyes softened with darkness at the sound of it, "it took so much to leave you. All the time, that's how it always felt even when you were with me – like I was always leaving you behind. Until the day it actually happened." The Doctor tried not to let the emotions arise in his chest – the pain he had felt that day. And every day she wasn't with him.

He continued, "But this was one of the hardest things he's ever done…that I've ever done. I've wanted this for so long – and this…this was the only way I could have it. So no, it wasn't effortless for him to leave you behind…it was anything but."

Rose's fingers had stilled on his knuckles and he took advantage of it by letting his fingers caress the back of her soft hand. He could see the goose bumps rising on her arm and part of him relished in the fact that he could do that to her. Looking up into her honey eyes, he let his own half-hearted smile escape on his lips,

"I never was good at saying goodbye."


	5. One Step at a Time

Her heart was pounding, the sound heavy in her ears.

She knew it couldn't have been easy for him, but to have the words pass through his lips made her heart ache. She felt validated in an odd way.

The Doctor had never been good at goodbye – he didn't have to tell her that. He had a habit of leaving, vanishing, and sacrificing – but always so selfishly. He did it knowing that he would never have to deal with the aftermath – the clean up. Rose's feeling of validation seemed to evaporate and was quickly being replaced with an anger she had set aside for so long…

The Doctor never wanted to say goodbye because it hurt – but what about everyone he left behind?

Her fingertips on his hand stilled before she removed them completely.

"Are you?" the words blurted out of her mouth before she had a chance to catch up with them.

A look passed over his eyes that pained her momentarily. It wasn't fair – he wore his face, had his memories, but he'd just come into existence, hadn't he? Did he deserve this? Any of this?

"Am I…what?" She tried to ignore the pain in his voice.

Rose shifted back from him a bit. No edge of him was touching her anymore and she felt suddenly very cold.

She tried to talk past the lump in her throat, "Are you…going to say goodbye…or are you just going to get up and leave one day?"

He looked at her with a look of utter pain – it made her want to take back the words, erase them, anything to not see that look. But it was too late – and she would be lying if she wasn't honestly questioning it.

This Doctor was human. He had a choice. He could choose to not be there. There weren't any universes that needed saving – he was free.

Clearing her throat loudly, she offered a meek smile even while she knew her eyes were shining with tears. It had been a long day and she just wanted to be alone for awhile.

"Nevermind," her voice cracked, "I'm going to take a shower. Here's some money for when the take-away gets here."

Rose unearthed some folded up bills from her pocket and placed them on the piece of couch between them before she stood up and walked quietly towards her bedroom, leaving the Doctor in dumbfounded silence.

**xoxo**

He watched her walk away to her bedroom. The Doctor stared even after she disappeared past her door. There was a horrible feeling building in his chest. It felt heavy and his throat was constricted. Moisture was beginning to build in the corners of his eyes. He'd forgotten how emotional the human body and heart could be.

Rose was giving him the benefit of the doubt – somewhere in her mind, she believed he'd leave her. The thought made him heartbroken and angry.

Out of everyone – and that was a massive group of "everyone" – he gave himself to Rose.

Anger continued to bubble in him and it gave him a shot of adrenaline. He stood up and paced back and forth in the sitting room. The Doctor tugged at his hair harshly – ignoring the pangs of pain in his scalp.

He _wanted_ her – what was so difficult to understand about that?

Nothing was going to make him leave her – only Rose could push him away.

Not seeing clearly through his anger, he turned quickly and punched a wall near a bookcase. The wall was sturdy and therefore extremely unaffected by the Doctor's contact. His hand, however, was a different story…

Cradling his hand in his other, he rubbed at the sting. The Doctor's face winced as tiny jabs of pain trailed through his hand to his wrist. He walked over to the couch and fell onto it, exasperated with his feelings.

And that's when he saw it.

It was a book that had fallen off the bookcase. It must have been unsettled and thrown when he had his fit with the wall (and lost).

The Doctor picked himself up and over to the spot to pick it up. He was about to place it back on the shelf when he realized that it wasn't an ordinary book. The cover was black and blank – no title.

Ever the curious being – Time Lord or not – he flipped the pages, and realized quickly that the words on each page were hand written. More importantly, they were in Rose's handwriting. It dawned on him that he had just stumbled on what must be a journal of some sort.

He quickly closed the book.

But what was it doing in the main room of her flat?

The book was probably haphazardly left there by mistake, but still, it was odd. It occurred to him that Rose didn't seem to have many people over. Something about that made him sad. She had always been so open and warm. He hated to think that she had not gotten close to anyone since he'd been gone.

That thought suddenly sent him reeling into a completely other one – what if she _had_ gotten close to someone? A _male_ someone? It had been more than a few years – did he really expect her to wait for him? He had told her she would never see him again…

The Doctor swallowed harshly as if he could swallow the jealousy that raged within him.

He flipped the pages of the book, simultaneously searching and ignoring the writing. A photo tucked in between two of the pages made him stop.

It was a small, grainy photograph of them. The-Doctor-and-Rose.

The image startled him, and he felt as if the air had been drained out of his lungs.

The photo had been taken with Rose's cell phone on Christmas Day. It was after dinner and they had stood outside with ash sprinkling around them. Rose had pulled out her cell phone and snapped a quick photo. He had upgraded the phone for her – but the memory had never erased. He wasn't aware that she had it on her the day she…

Ignoring the onset of ache in his nerves, he smiled at the image of them. His arm was around her shoulders – he'd held her close to him. All the memories of that day centered on her. The pure joy he felt knowing that she knew he was the best friend that had traveled beside her through time and space.

The Doctor tucked the photo back into the book and was about to close it when his curiosity got the best of him. He peered down the hallway to see if her door was still closed. It was, and so he opened the book back to the page the photo rested on.

It was mostly blank, except for three words written in small print at the top of the page.

_I still miss him._

They were four very small words – but they still made the Doctor feel as if he'd been knocked off his feet.

He turned the page – the following ones were blank. The entry had been rather new. There was a date at the top – it didn't help any, he didn't know what the present date was.

Still, she hadn't forgotten about him. Hadn't stopped missing him.

How could he get her to understand that he missed her just as much?

He knew that it would take much to believe him. How many times did he push her away during their time together? They had held hands and been the best of friends – but that didn't mean that he let her in. Yes, she knew things about him that others didn't. And he'd held her in a special place within himself – but looking back on it, it no longer seemed enough.

And so his anger, which had bubbled with such rage before, was no longer present. In its place was a mixture of trepidation and determination.

He would make it up to her. He had to.

One step at a time.

The buzzing of the intercom broke his concentration. Must be the take-away, he thought.

He grabbed the money Rose had left him on his way to answer the call.

_One step at a time_, he repeated to himself.

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><p><em>I have no idea how long this story is going to be lol it's actually moving a lot slower than usual...hmm, I hope that's a good thing ;)<em>


	6. No Longer a 19 Year Old Shop Girl

**xoxo**

Rose stepped out of the shower. Her feet, warm from the water, flat against the cold tile. She wrapped herself in a large and fluffy white towel, another in her hands rubbing the moisture out of her hair. Her mind a million miles away. Thoughts of their conversation wafted in and out of her consciousness. She knew that she was being unfair – she was too tired and heartbroken from the events of the day…was it really just a day?...to be sensible in any serious conversation.

And throughout it all, she couldn't help feeling that tingle of happiness at seeing him there. All she had to do was stretch out her hand to touch him. All the feelings, however, that came with that touch is what terrified her. It was a union of guilt, pain, heartache and love. It appeared that there was so much more bad than good – but that's the thing about love…it shined no matter what was thrown at it.

She patted and rubbed her hair dry with the towel that had hugged her body. Staring at herself, Rose asked herself the one question that was born on Bad Wolf Bay earlier in the day and one that continued to hover in the tendrils of thought in her mind.

Where do they go from here?

Rose knew that she would love him – it would not be difficult to love him. But would she do so on their independent account or would she simply be falling in love with a man who wore the Doctor's face? That's where it burned to think about it. The situation was not fair to any one of them. The Time Lord Doctor, the human Doctor and herself.

Satisfied with the dryness of her hair, Rose stepped out of her bathroom in search of some clothes. She found and stepped into plain, white cotton pants, black shorts that ended mid-thigh and a large, old and grey Torchwood t-shirt. It was when the cloth of the t-shirt touched her shoulders where she decided to take this new life with the Doctor one step at a time. He may not come with a big blue box, but she knew in her gut that he was the Doctor – only with something extra. It didn't matter what he couldn't do for her – take her to the edges of the universe – all that mattered is that he was there. She was going to try her hardest to not let herself sabotage anything. It would be difficult – she wasn't a 19 year old London shop girl anymore. But she would try.

One step at a time, she told herself as she opened her bedroom door and stepped into the hallway.

Rose walked down the corridor. She could hear the rustling of plastic and trays. The smell of the take-away made her stomach growl. She stopped walking as soon as he came into view. He was taking out the trays from the plastic bag, brow furrowed and his forehead crinkled in thought. That mouth of his was stuck in a frown and it made her the pools of guilt grow at the base of her belly. She knew she had placed the frown there. The urge to run and hug him was lying underneath her skin. Her fingers flexed with the ghostly feeling of his hand in hers. Rose pushed the thoughts away as she made herself walk into the kitchen.

"Smells gorgeous," she said, her voice in a whisper.

The Doctor turned to her and at the sight of her smile, he smiled tenderly in return.

"Just got here," the words sounded husky in her ear making her shiver.

She turned her eyes from the boxes of food to look into his eyes. The warm brown orbs looked so deeply at her that their look made her heart skip a beat. They were standing so close and it made her want to kiss him all over again.

"Well, better eat before it gets cold, yeah?"

The Doctor smiled in response as he took the trays to the kitchen table. Rose grabbed some utensils and joined him. She sat as close as she could to him without actually interrupting his space.

They ate in comfortable silence at first. He appeared to be extremely hungry, forkful after forkful of food leaving his plate in a rapid manner. At one point, she stopped eating her own food and just looked at him. His hair was wild, and the skin around his eyes looked dark and tight – all around, he looked exhausted. She made a mental note to make sure he had the most comfortable of blankets and pillows. However, what most interested her was the fact that his whole concentration was focused on his food. The Doctor had eaten in front of her before, but it was hardly ever out of pure necessity. Rose smiled in spite of herself – she found that she enjoyed seeing him enjoy so whole-heartedly. Her smile widened.

Perhaps sensing her eyes on him, the Doctor stopped mid chew and looked up from his plate to Rose.

"What?" he asked around the food in his mouth.

Rose, unable to stop herself, giggled. The Doctor smiled at her, mouth still full of food.

"Nothin', just…watching you. It's interesting," she smiled shyly at him.

He swallowed the lump of food in his mouth and continued grinning at her.

"So, Rose Tyler, talk to me."

Her smile dimmed just a tiny bit, "About?"

"Oh, everything!" his grin was huge and suddenly the room seemed full of sunshine even though it was nighttime. Rose couldn't help but smile back. The warmth was so infectious; she wanted to curl up in it.

She fidgeted a bit in her seat. Her eyes downcast, looking at her food; she pierced a piece of chicken with her fork. "Not sure where to start," she whispered before raising the forkful to her mouth. The chicken was hot and spicy – she got up to get a glass of water for each of them.

"Well, at the beginning, I believe…"she heard him say as he shifted on his seat. She placed a glass to collect water from the faucet when she heard a jerk of a chair followed by an 'ouch!' coming from the Doctor. Rose turned around quickly, spilling water over the counter and hardwood floor.

"Doctor! What's wrong?" she stepped towards him, her eyes roaming his body looking for what was wrong.

The Doctor stopped wincing from whatever pain he was feeling and looked at her wide-eyed. His heart – that lonely human one, Rose thought idly – in his eyes. She stared back at him befuddled at the emotion they exhibited.

"What?" it was her turn to be confused.

His mouth gaped open a bit, closed and then opened again after some hesitation, "Nothing, it was just…you called me 'the Doctor'…it…it sounded nice." He hid his eyes from her.

Rose's heart faltered in it's beating for a moment. She had called him the Doctor, but well, that's who he was. Hadn't she called him that before? It was then where she realized how much it meant to him…that she believe it was really him. Not knowing whether to feel guilty or appreciative of his caring so much – she mumbled an 'oh' and turned to find a towel to clean up the mess.

"Anyway," he continued, his voice ringing a bit more cheerful than before, "I must have kicked your chair or something, stubbed a toe. Funny that, don't remember stubbing a toe…radiation hopping, yes, not a stubbed toe…oh what's this…"

She was about to ask him about the 'radiation hopping' as she wiped down the cupboard from where the water dribbled, when his gasp caused her to look up at him again.

He was staring incredulously at her. Her brow crinkled in bewilderment. As she stood up, she noticed that he had a book in one hand and…oh no, her bag in the other.

Oh no.

She quickly turned around to wring the wet towel and to grab their drinks.

"Rose…is this…are these…your…school books?" the pure disbelief in his voice made her turn around, instantly furious.

He was smiling so happily that it almost made her want to stop and smile with him. But she couldn't. The disbelief in his voice…the teasing in his tone brought back all the times this one stupid ape had messed up or tried to seem more than who she was.

With a frown on her face, she walked quickly behind him, grabbed the chemistry text out of his hand and the bag out of the other. She stormed to her room, looking to set them on her desk and cool off for a bit. The door slammed as she sat on her bed instead, her pathetic books from the university tumbled out of her bag along with her notes for the next exam.

She had hoped that she wouldn't be returning to this world. Guess now I'll have to actually review, she thought bitterly.

Rose continued to sit near the edge of her bed, her legs drawn up so that her knees met her chest – her mind lost in an excess of thoughts. All the hunger vanished from her empty stomach.

**xoxo**

The Doctor's hunger drained from his body as he watched Rose walk away from him for the second time that night. How was he ever going to earn her trust and be able to just be with her if he kept mucking things up? He couldn't help his happy surprise at seeing university texts in her bag – she hadn't just stopped her life waiting for him…she was making herself better!

A heavy realization dawned on him just then. Better.

Had Rose thought that he was making fun of her? It was anything but! He had been happy that she was moving on, that her interests had grown since they were separated. Memories of his Ninth self streamed through his mind, images of his yelling and teasing. Even this body had done a bit of teasing now and then. Always the superior Time Lord, he thought bitterly. His head ached from the recollections.

With a sigh, he pushed back his chair and stood up. Then the once-alien man did something he never thought he would be able to do, not really. Emotions and apologizing weren't really his thing, after all…

He made his way down the short corridor to talk with Rose.

* * *

><p><em>when did FF make review replies as pm's? have i been gone that long? if you haven't received a reply from me for any review you might have left for this or any one of my stories - this is the main reason why...don't know if you want me to clog your inboxes with pm's. However, thank you for reading and enjoying my stories - it is always appreciated! much fanfic love to you all!<em>


	7. Always

The Doctor walked slowly down the hallway to Rose's bedroom. The flat was extremely quiet. A variety of thoughts roamed through his mind. He was pleasantly surprised at the discovery that Rose had chosen to continue her education. A smile flirted across his lips at his brilliant girl.

He reached her door; he thought about Rose's reaction to his incredulity. She apparently thought that it was because he thought lowly of her intelligence. The words _stupid ape _floated around in his mind. It was an insult from his previous self which had been quickly extinguished after their blow out from meeting Pete. Previous Pete, as it was. The Current Pete had been as equally protective of Rose as her real universe one had been. The Doctor chuckled at the memory of Pete's eyes sizing him up upon his arrival on Bad Wolf Bay. Things had changed without him, it seemed.

His mind, apparently, still trailed on its tangents. Still, he didn't understand how Rose could have taken his surprise the wrong way – he'd apologize all the same, of course – but he'd never thought Rose was anything less than exactly what and who she was and would always be.

Positively brilliant.

He'd make it right somehow – no way had he done what he did only to lose her like that. With a heavy sigh, he touched the cool metal of the doorknob and pushed. He was surprised to find that the door didn't even inch the tiniest bit. With the force he'd pushed it with, his forehead had actually thumped slightly against the door. Confused, he tried again. Same results. The knob didn't even turn in the slightest.

Automatically, his right hand reached into his blue suit coat's inner pocket. His hand grasped at an emptiness.  
><em><br>__Oh, right. _

The Doctor sighed once more – this one sounded tired and melancholic. He was going to miss being able to open anything with just a buzz of his Sonic Screwdriver. He was unused to meeting a door he could not open. Rose's room had always seemed like welcomed ground on the Tardis. Apparently, that was going to be different here.

He knocked lightly on the door. A bed creaked on the other side – nothing and no one else made a sound.

"Rose?" his voice sounded more perplexed than hurt to his own ears.

A pause and then, "Sorry Doctor. I'm going to get some sleep. There are some things I set aside for you in the guest room. Bathroom as well. I'll just…I'll just see you tomorrow morning." Her voice sounded small and…different. Her words stung. The Doctor took a small step back and made a slightly audible, "Oh" sound.

The guest room was to the left of Rose's bedroom. The common bathroom was across the hall. When had she taken the time to prepare these things for him, he wondered. Although he was disappointed by the turn of events, the Doctor couldn't help but smile at the gesture. He had missed her taking care of him.

Still, he could not make himself go into the room just yet. Although he was exhausted, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Rose was upset at him and it was not at all how he thought this night would end. He walked back to the sitting room and stood in front of her book cases. The book he had replaced earlier taunted him on the shelf – but he resisted. He was in enough trouble as it was.

All the classics he could remember her trying to read in between adventures were shelved there alongside skewed modern titles. Apparently not even a parallel dimension could touch the classics of the proper world. Forcibly reading at a human pace was bound to be irritating, but it was reading all the same. He chose _A Christmas Carol_for nostalgia's sake. There was no visiting Dickens anymore, he thought sadly.

He sat down on the couch and settled himself as comfortably as he could among the cushions. Images of an upset Rose trailed amongst his thoughts; her hurt words surrounding his senses. He'd find a way to make it right. He had time to do that now. With the book propped open to the first page, the Doctor rested his head against the back of the couch and began to read.

Five minutes later, he was asleep.

**xoxo**

It was the creak of the floorboard that woke him up.

He was instantly wide awake – his senses ultra alert to his surroundings. But where was he? Where was the gentle humming of the Tardis?

In a matter of seconds, it all came back.

Daleks. Davros. Bad Wolf Bay. Rose.

He lay still, waiting for another sound to confirm whether he was dreaming or not. The next sound he heard, however, wasn't a creak - it was much better.

"Sorry, didn't know you were asleep there," whispered Rose.

The Doctor sat up quickly, causing a slight nauseated feeling in his throat. Ugh, that was going to take some getting used to. "No, no, no….well, yes, I was asleep, but I was reading…" He looked down at his hands, which were empty.

"Hmmm, interesting book then?" she smirked.

He smiled sheepishly, "It fell on the floor Rose." He reached under the couch where the book had settled. Just saying her name made him deliriously happy. "Is it morning?"

Rose sat down on the armrest, way too careful about not going near him, much to his dismay.

"No, it's only been an hour since I went to my room…I…got hungry," she shrugged.

The Doctor smiled, "Well, then you should eat! I didn't get a chance to take care of the takeaway…not that I would have known what to do with it…."

She smiled, "Yeah."

"Well, come on then," and the Doctor got up, rubbed the sleepy daze from his eyes with his knuckles, and walked towards the kitchen. On the way, he fought the urge to touch her. Her shoulder to lead her. Or her hand in his. His palm against her cheek. His lips down to meet hers.

But no. She was still upset at him. She may be a stronger, wiser, albeit...more isolated woman - but she was still Rose Tyler.

_One step at a time_, he kept reminding himself.

He beat her to the takeaway and decided to warm it up a bit in the microwave for her.

"Thank you, for that," she said quietly.

Facing away from her, he tugged at his hair and just nodded.

How was he going to start? This wasn't how things were done. Not usually. Whenever he had done something idiotic…which, if he admitted it now, was quite often, Rose would go to her room, he'd go to his room or the library and in the morning things were just…_better_.

But now, he was human. And humans…well, they did things a bit differently didn't they? At least, _sometimes _they did.

The microwave dinged and he opened the door to remove the Styrofoam container from its depth. He was careful to hold it by it's edges and placed it on the table in front of Rose who was very quiet.

"Be careful, it's hot," _of course she knows it's hot…what an moronic thing to say_, he thought to himself.

Rose smiled, however, a bit brighter despite the earlier events. "Thank you, Doctor." She lifted a forkful and blew to cool the savory noodles.

It was quiet and that in itself showed him how very different this life could be. When before he would have run away or rambled incessantly, now he could only think of what he could say so that he could stay with her.

"I'm sorry," he blurted suddenly. The Doctor could feel his cheeks burning. He had hoped that he could lead up to the apologies and pleas.

She had just placed the bit of food into her mouth when his confession came about. Her eyes widened as she forced the lump of food down her throat. Obviously, she had not been expecting an apology.

Feeling clumsy and slightly embarrassed, he kept talking, "I didn't mean to sound surprised about you going to school…I really didn't…though, well, I am surprised," he noticed a dangerous expression growing on Rose's face, the brows furrowing, "No! Not surprised that you'd do well in school, just….just the fact of you _wanting _to go back to school – that's what was surprising…that's all I meant…I didn't mean to…I _swear _I didn't…," his voice was very near the begging level he'd been afraid of landing on so quickly when her chuckle stopped him.

He looked at her confused, which only made her chuckle grow into a heartier laugh.

"Rose?"

She forced her laugh to trickle out, "I'm sorry Doctor, you just look so…terrified! I'm…," she sighed, her smile dimming just a bit, "Thank you for saying you're sorry. I believe you…I do. I just…I'm a bit sensitive is all, yea'? I'm not used to…having you near anymore. And I'm really not used to you being…" She trailed off.

"Human?" he added, trying to be helpful.

Rose's smile brightened slightly, "Yea' I mean…I was half expecting you to be gone when I walked out of my room." She shut her mouth suddenly, and bit her lip. The Doctor thought that maybe she hadn't expected to be so open with him as well. Could he blame her for thinking that? It seemed that with his human senses also came the ability to empathize more easily. It was going to take some getting used to. He decided to add it to the mental list he was trying to remember of things he'd have to get used to. Perhaps he should find a notebook to write it down…

"Doctor? You alright?" her voice was worried.

He snapped out of his reverie, "Oh! I'm fine, fine. I…I don't blame you for thinking I'd be gone. But…I'm never going to leave you Rose." The words flowed so easily from his lips and with such conviction. He didn't need to hear himself say it to know that he meant every word.

However, he also hadn't meant for them to sound so…stalker-like. He hoped Rose would overlook that.

She smiled at him, almost like she believed him, "Yea'?"

The Doctor grinned, "Oh yes. Now, eat."

Rose stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork and they spent the rest of her meal in companionable silence.

**xoxo**

"So, we should probably get some sleep…big day tomorrow," she was trying to sound confident and could feel herself failing miserably.

The Doctor looked at her, questions showing all over his expression, as they threw away the trash from the takeaway and placed their glasses in the sink.

Rose walked towards the guest room with the Doctor following.

"Well, we have to get you some clothes. Probably a phone. And there's the whole deal with you needing an identity and all. I don't think you can get away with people calling you the Doctor here…" the thought saddened her. The Doctor not being called _the Doctor_? That was insane, to her at least.

"Oh. That," he replied with as much enthusiasm as if Jackie had asked him if he wanted any of her Shepard's pie. Rose giggled.

She opened the door to the guest room she had stocked earlier with fresh sheets and towels for when he wanted to shower. A Torchwood t-shirt and jersey mesh shorts lay folded neatly on the bed. It was the best she could do. The room itself wasn't special - she hadn't taken time to decorate it...or any of the flat for that matter. The sheets on the bed where a simple baby blue.

"Sorry about the shirt, I know you'd probably rather not wear it, but it's the only thing I have I think that you'd be comfortable in."

The Doctor walked into the room and picked up the t-shirt, "Not my favorite people right now…or ever, really. But that was our original Torchwood. Can't hold it against this world's unit," he shrugged.

His understanding…his willingness to comprehend so easily was unnerving her. It felt good in a way, but she also didn't know what to expect.

"There is an extra toothbrush in the restroom, some towels in this drawer right here if you want to take a shower. We'll pick up everything else you need tomorrow," she wondered what the morning would feel like. Whenever she was around him, she wanted to hold his hand or touch him somehow just to make sure he was really there and not some figment of her imagination. But it wouldn't be that easy. She knew it could _not _be that easy.

"Alright," was all he said. He had gone very quiet – his fingertips traced the letters on the t-shirt he held in his hand.

Not knowing what else to do, she said, "Well, then, I guess…we'll say goodnight. We have a busy day tomorrow. Goodnight, Doctor," she was about to turn on her heel and walk out the door when she heard him mumble.

"What was that?" her voice had reached an unnatural tone.

The Doctor coughed and talked a bit louder, "I asked you something…" he didn't elaborate.

Rose walked closer to him. "What did you ask?"

He continued tracing the letters and the movement was suddenly upsetting her. She couldn't handle _this_ form of "running away." So she took the shirt gently out of his hands, dropped it on the bed and tried again.

"What did you ask?"

And that was when he looked at her. His eyes wide and fearful. A bit embarrassed even. It was so human that she wanted to hit him. Kiss him. Hug him. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

"I asked," his voice cracked the tiniest bit, "if you would still call me the 'Doctor'. I'll be getting a new name tomorrow. I'll have to have a job. No big blue box. No time and travel. Just me. New name. I just…I just want to know if you'll still call me the 'Doctor,'" he averted his eyes from her.

Rose couldn't imagine that her heart could break anymore that day. But it did…just like it always did for this man in front of her. It didn't matter if he had big ears, cropped hair, a leather jacket, wild tresses, pinstripes and geeky glasses, two hearts or one – it didn't matter. He'd always break her heart in the worst and best of ways.

She reached out to him, her hand caressing his cheek. Her touch urged him to look at her – which he did.

"You'll always be my Doctor," she whispered. A tear escaped the corner of her eye. She bit on her lip, forcing her nostalgia of the man with the blue box to the back of her mind.

He looked deeply into her eyes, a relieved smile on his thin lips with something hidden beneath its existence. Rose grinned back at him as she whispered goodnight, and turned to leave the room.

* * *

><p><em>It's hard to write TenII. You know...cuz of the feelings. heh. Time Lords are easy (hahaha). Feel something - squash it! heh. <em>


	8. Home

It was difficult for Rose to fall asleep during what was left of the night. Sleep seemed to evade her since her feet were planted on the world that wasn't hers. She thought that it was because he wasn't there with her, but there he was, sleeping in the room next to hers, and still she couldn't sleep. Perhaps it was the gentle rumbling of the Tardis her body missed.

Who was she joking? It was more than just her body missing it.

She wasn't exaggerating when she told the Doctor that they had a long day in front of them. There was so much to buy and arrange. She had also promised her mum that they would be over for dinner since it was Pete arranging the Doctor's new identity. The thought stilled her – _who would he choose to be_, she wondered.

Rose couldn't help but feel excited, a whole day with him – mostly on their own. She'd be able to buy him necessities and whatever he wanted. And a phone. The Doctor could always be a phone call away. All she would have to do is pick up and dial. The thought made her smile despite her exhaustion.

It dimmed, however, when more thoughts catapulted in her mind. Would the Doctor be living with her? Would she want him to? Would _he_ want to? A slight panic rose up in her throat. Obviously he was with her because he didn't have many other options, but what about tomorrow? Would he want to be on his own? To figure things out?

Rose might be confused about the entire situation but she knew that she didn't want to be without him. What if he left and decided he didn't want her after all? That thought made her panic grow.

_One step at a time, remember?_ Was it ever going to get easier to actually remember?

Rose had become very good at compartmentalizing her thoughts and fears. She had to in order to survive in her new world. It took her awhile to succumb to it, but she did.

And with that, she tossed and turned one final time and drifted off to sleep.

**xoxo**

The Doctor had brushed his teeth, having decided that he'd wait until morning to take a shower. He was simply too exhausted to contemplate anything further. How could humans walk around day after day with this inferior muscle endurance without keeling over? He winced slightly at his thoughts – he was, after all, talking about himself.

When he stepped outside of the restroom, he idled outside Rose's room for a bit. The door was ajar and he peered in. She was lying down, facing away from him. There was enough room on her bed for another body to join her. His body almost shook with the want to be near her - pull her to him and hug her body against his. Sprinkle kisses in the tresses of her hair. They had never shared a bed before, but what barriers they now had between them could tumble rather easily. _Of course_, he chided himself, _it would be better if she was conscious of it. _

The thought scolded him and he quickly walked away from the precarious zone of her bedroom door. Once in his room, he turned to close the door behind him, but thought better of it and left it slightly open as well. Just in case she needed him.

He shut off the overhead light and sat down on the bed still not quite believing that she was next door. So many years he was without her and how often he'd forget she wasn't there until he walked into her room rambling about something only to be horribly reminded of it. That happened often with his beginning adventures with Martha – and then after that he'd go into Rose's room willingly to remember her scent and the way she would move. After, he tried to avoid her room – but even then, it never ceased to hurt.

An exhausted sigh escaped him as he settled down on the cool sheets. Once on his side, he closed his eyes and smiled. One thing that hadn't changed was how much he missed her.

In all those years, she was still foremost in his mind.

**xoxo**

Rose woke up the next morning to the sound of the shower. She was thrown a bit in her sleepy haze until she remembered the previous day's events. A pang of hurt burst in her heart, but she had to smile nonetheless because it was the Doctor who was in the shower.

She sat up, planting her feet against the cold wooden floor. It made her shiver – it was beginning to get slightly chilly. She made her way outside and down to the kitchen to set out tea, sugar, coffee, and mugs in case the Doctor wanted to prepare something while she took a shower herself. Her feet were silent against the hard floor as she headed back to her room. She could no longer hear the patter of water against tile and was about to cross in front of the bathroom door when it opened suddenly.

The Doctor stepped out quickly and bumped into her. Rose let out a yelp of surprise and then realized that he was only clad in a towel around his waist. His hair was dripping with beads of water which fell down to his naked chest and shoulders. She couldn't remember seeing so much of his skin. It was fair and looked so smooth with a sprinkle of freckles. Having realized that she was staring, her eyes darted up to his and she bit her lip slightly.

He looked amusedly at her, "Good morning Rose." The words were so simple and yet they made her insides melt. He was teasing her slightly with his knowing tone.

"Good morning Doctor," the words came out husky and she cleared her throat quickly.

His smile widened considerably.

Rose rolled her eyes, "I've set out some tea and coffee in the kitchen. I'm going to take a shower."

She smiled once more and side stepped him to get to her bedroom door. After a second thought, she turned back around, "Oh, and Doctor?"

He turned quickly towards her, "Yes, Rose?"

The way he said her name made her insides melt. It seemed like he wouldn't stop saying it – as if she'd disappear if he didn't.

Not letting her rumination of thoughts continue, she grinned and said, "Don't fix anything in the kitchen. Nothing needs fixin'. Nothin'. Got it?"

The Doctor blushed, which was a rather interesting sight. She decided that the rosy color looked wonderful spread against his skin.

"Alright," he grumbled even with his own grin on his face.

Rose laughed and made her way into her room.

**xoxo**

After dressing in the same suit pants, jacket and t-shirt that he had on the previous day, since he had no other clothes, the Doctor made his way to the kitchen to make some tea for himself and Rose.

How strange was it, he pondered while heating the water in the light pink kettle on the stove, that just yesterday he was in the Tardis with Donna. He had hoped beyond hope that even though the world was ending, he'd at least get to see Rose Tyler one last time…and then today he was in her kitchen, heating up water for tea. The universe had always both confused and enlightened him. For the time being, he was content with riding the wave of uncertainty. As long as he had her.

Especially if she continued looking at him the way she did when he was only wearing a towel. A quiver of anticipation crawled down his spine.

Shopping, however, was going to be a complete and utter new adventure for him. The Doctor beamed suddenly. An _adventure_ – how fantastic that even without the Tardis he'd still be able to have new adventures with Rose. An unexpected pang cursed his heart at the thought of his home.

_No_, he thought, this_ is home now. _It wasn't a difficult thought to have. Home had ceased to be only the blue box for awhile now. Home now meant something else. Some_one_ else.

The Doctor was filling the mugs when he heard a familiar yawn behind him. Happily, he took the tea to the table, "All ready…" He looked up at her and felt a heat overwhelm him from the bottom of his toes to his scalp.

Rose was wearing tight denim jeans and a form-fitting black jumper with a modest v-neck at the opening. It was such simple attire really, but it looked so good on her. If this were one of those dreams he was accustomed to having every now and again, he surely hoped he wouldn't wake up. Having her near was too wonderful to give up again.

"Mmmm…smells wonderful," she quickly sat down and cradled a mug in her hands. She closed her eyes and took a sniff before taking a deep drink of the liquid into her mouth. It was hot, but that didn't seem to deter her from the ritual he so often witnessed in the kitchen of the Tardis each morning. Well, whatever the Tardis considered morning.

He took a seat next to her as he let the happiness of being near her wash over him.

**xoxo**

It had been decided that Rose would call the driver to come pick them up and drop them off near the cluster of shops in the center.

"Since when does Rose Tyler have a driver?" the Doctor asked teasingly once they had entered the sleek black automobile outside her building. He quickly wished he would have kept his mouth shut.

They both knew exactly when she had been given a driver. He hoped she would ignore the statement, which she did…in a way.

"Pete insists on it and I usually only use it when I'm running late or when it gets dark." Her tone was too matter-of-fact for his tastes.

"What about for school?" The Doctor had been looking for a way to approach the subject of school since he had most firmly stepped into it the night before.

Rose sighed, "No, I don't take it to the university."

Her demeanor had changed slightly. She turned away from the Doctor to look out the window at the passing buildings. The air was chilly and patches of frozen moisture decorated the windows. He wanted to close the sudden distance between them and hold her hand, but she had clasped them so tightly on her lap that the Doctor couldn't decipher how he would penetrate their grasp. A need to touch her welled up in him and it became so agonizing that he couldn't help the next words out of his mouth.

"Rose?"

She turned to look at him, a perplexed look in her eyes at the interruption to her thoughts, "Yea'?"

With those amber orbs staring back at him, he almost forgot what he was going to ask her, "Can I…may I…" the words tumbled from his lips, all eloquence gone. Instead of forming the words, he inched his hand toward hers, his fingertips gently grazing her skin at the knuckles.

Rose looked down at their touch and his head throbbed, waiting for the sting of rejection. The smirk that blossomed on her lips surprised him and the quickness of her hand sweeping his caused his heart to resemble the incessant beating of a drum.

She stayed looking at him, amused at his idiocy, he concluded. Now that he had a hold on her and could therefore keep her from jumping out of the moving vehicle, he asked, "Why don't you like to talk about your classes – I don't even know what you're studying." The thought saddened him suddenly – he wanted to know everything and yet he knew nothing of _this_ Rose. He was her best friend, possibly future…_something_, shouldn't she _want_ to talk about it?

Her cheeks colored and the contrast of the rosiness under her fair skin was gorgeous. "It's nothing spectacular – I'm just enrolled in a few classes. Physics, chemistry and history. All introductory courses."

Nothing spectacular? Was she mental?

"But Rose, that's brilliant! How are your professors? They aren't rubbish are they? Do you like the texts? I could have taught you all that!" a pause for the pang of guilt, and then, "Wait, you're not missing class for this, are you?" He panicked suddenly at the idea.

Rose let out a guffaw, "I can see that this human body hasn't done a thing to affect your _gob_." She poked him in his side which caused the most peculiar sensation in the Doctor. It made him jump and let out a giggle at the same time. It was as if his skin were more sensitive in that one area. Rose's eyes widened and she gently let go of his hand. She poked him in the same spot and sniggered as she elicited the identical response.

"Doctor," she whispered with complete glee on her face, "are you…ticklish?"

The Doctor let out an incredulous sound which quickly dissolved into laughter as Rose proceeded to dig her fingers into his side. He felt tears form in the corners of his eyes as he squirmed and pleaded with her to stop. She did so as the car pulled up outside the shopping center's parking garage. He was very relieved that the partition between them and the driver was up and opaque. _How embarrassing_, he thought.

He was about to clear his face of the tears when Rose went ahead and did it for him with her thumbs. The Doctor sat still as he watched her roam her eyes over his skin, careful to catch each happy tear. It was impossible not to relish in the warmth of her touch. She smiled warmly at him and pulled at his sleeve so that he would follow her out of the car, "Come on." Once outside, she walked up to the driver's window and told the young man that she'd call him when they needed to go home.

Home.

The word never sounded so perfect.

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><p><em>Oh, writer's block. What a pain in my butt. lol enjoy (the chapter, not the pain in my butt, mind you).<em>


	9. Mr Pretty Boy

Rose expected some barely audible exasperated sighs coming from the Doctor as they weaved through the crowd at the shopping center. She was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that he seemed to be enjoying himself. Their first stop was at a posh clothing store as she was sure he would need at least a few suits if he was going to be hanging around the Tyler clan – and she hoped that he would want to do that.

His eyes widened at the sea of suits in many shades of blues, grays, and browns among them. A petite sales girl dressed in a black pencil skirt and a tucked white button down strolled gracefully up to the pair.

"May I help you find something?" her voice was all business. This woman obviously took suits very seriously, concluded Rose with a smile. Just what she wanted.

"Yea' actually, we'd like to get him fitted for a few suits," she glanced at the Doctor who was smiling at her shyly.

"Of course, please follow me and we'll get you measured," she turned around sharply and the Doctor and Rose found themselves hurried to catch up.

He climbed up on a small platform while a much older man who spoke broken English began to take his measurements.

"My name is Natalie. How about I bring some suits for your husband to try on after he gets his measurements done? We'll be able to send you his suits after they've been tailored," she was such a flurry of words that it took a moment for Rose to realize what she had assumed.

She stood still for a moment, her mouth agape. The Doctor's stare seemed to burn a hole through her back. Chuckling awkwardly, she responded with a flustered smile and nod of the head, "Uh, yes, of course….of course."

Natalie smiled, mumbled something to the tailor and then strolled out of the room in search of some suits, Rose figured. She hadn't even mentioned what color of suits – oh well, she knows what she's doing.

Rose looked at the tailor as she sat in the white couch in the corner of the large measurements room. She very carefully averted the look she could feel the Doctor giving her. Even in her fake obliviousness, she couldn't help but realize how much she enjoyed the word "husband" in regards to the Doctor.

It had been quite awhile since she first traveled with him and in those years she had tried relentlessly to find herself back with him. And in that time, she had seen the people around her move on. Grow up.

Oh, Rose had grown up. She'd grown a bit harder, stronger. All of that had been poured into her work at Torchwood. Her life had become a stretched band of time shared between her family, catching and working with aliens, and her own work with the dimension cannon.

It was in the last year where she had finally wanted something for herself. Rose had seen her mother flourish with Pete and Tony. She watched to people she worked with, whom she had gotten to know all those years, date, marry and begin to start families of their own. Even some of the field agents had significant others despite their dangerous work. All of it had made her want something of her own – but instead of looking for a new relationship, she had thrown herself into continuing her education.

"Rose?" The Doctor's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

She sat up, "Yea'?" Looking toward him, she realized she had missed Natalie coming back with the suits, as the Doctor already had one on.

It was a black suit with very thin grey pinstripes. He wore a dark gray collared shirt underneath. Rose felt something pool at the bottom of her stomach – it heated her skin. She grew instantly embarrassed as she felt the heat rise to her cheeks.

The Doctor smiled, rather smugly she thought. "So, what do you think?" He turned around for effect.

Rose couldn't help but look at him when he did that, "Oh, uh, yes…that…that works." Natalie appeared suddenly with a glass of water and a warm smile. Rose took the glass and gave her a thankful grin. The water was cold against the heat of her mouth – she needed to get a hold of herself.

With a last look, the Doctor turned to the fitting room to change. Natalie sidled up next to Rose, "Would you like to order that one in his measurements?"

"Definitely," she laughed bringing the glass up to her lips for another drink and noticed that the young sales girl was knowingly laughing too.

He couldn't help but beam at the way Rose had looked at him. They had left the store, ordering three suits, the black, a blue and a gray, with an assortment of undershirts, collared shirts, socks, ties, handkerchiefs and even a couple of pairs of shiny shoes. It really was a lot of items…and Rose said they weren't done yet.

I guess I can't get away with wearing the same suit everyday, he thought.

Still, he all of a sudden didn't like the idea of Rose's hard earned money being spent on him.

The feelings must have shown on his face, as Rose then said, "Doctor, you all right?"

"Oh, yes of course. Just…you don't need to spend all this money on me Rose. I don't even know when I will be able to pay you back."

Lost in a sea of people, Rose grabbed his hand and pulled him off to the side to sit on a just-vacated bench.

"Doctor, it doesn't matter," she held onto his hand and held her face close to his as the chatter of people around them made it hard to hear, "you gave me a time and space – I think I can buy you some necessities." She giggled. The warmth of her hand radiated to his skin.

"But…" he started.

"No," her eyes held that determination he had always admired in her, "you will not pay me back and I will buy you what I want. Now, come on, you need some everyday clothes and pajamas as well."

She stood up, pulling him with her and led the way to the next shop. The Doctor sped up his steps and joined her stride with a smile.

They were walking steadily across the center among the other shoppers. The Doctor would have lost Rose in the crowd if she was not currently holding onto his hand. He gripped hers tightly, partly because he didn't want to get lost, but mostly because he needed to feel grounded. He needed to feel her there beneath his touch.

The Doctor was so busy with his thoughts that he hadn't noticed Rose had stopped, causing him to collide with her. He only barely managed to grab her shoulders so as not to shove her forward harshly. It took him a moment to realize that they weren't the only ones standing while throngs of people bustled around them. He looked up to see a man of his height staring down at Rose. There was something in the way he looked at her that made the Doctor's blood boil in his veins.

The man was dressed in a simple black t-shirt and jumper, dark blue jeans and gray trainers. His hair was a golden brown and was perfectly tousled.

"Rose? Is that you?" asked Mr. Pretty Boy.

The Doctor glanced at Rose just in time to see the recognition spark in her eyes. Her look of bewilderment transformed into one of warmth. It didn't help the feelings coursing through his body. He gripped her hand tighter.

Rose gave him a sharp look and tried to wiggle her fingers. He mumbled an apology and loosened his grasp – but still didn't let go, however. Rose then moved them aside from the foot traffic and Golden Boy followed – his stare trailing after Rose.

Once they were in the square, which had benches and a fountain, Rose turned to look at the man that had cause the Doctor to suddenly hate shopping centers. "Brett, I can't believe it's you. How have you been?" And with a pull and a look, the Doctor let go of her hand and she moved forward to give Brett (the Doctor decided it was a terrible name) a quick hug.

The Doctor stood rocking on his heels and staring at anything else.

"Oh, well, I went back to the states after the summer session to visit my family."

He continued to stare at Rose as if she was the only person in the room. The Doctor knew the look well – as he'd seen it on almost every man's face that had encountered Rose. It had been permanently planted on his own for quite awhile. He coughed suddenly, if only to interrupt Brett's intense look at Rose.

She turned back and smirked at the Doctor, probably knowing full well what was going through his mind. "Brett, I'd like you to meet…"

Rose looked at him suddenly. Right, they hadn't decided on a name for him yet. He coughed to buy some time and thought quickly – though, it wasn't quickly enough.

"John." Rose smiled apologetically at him and then held his hand in hers.

He grinned at her, all of a sudden feeling much better.

"Oh," Brett said in a hushed tone.

The Doctor's grin widened. The young man extended his hand and said, "Hi John, I'm Brett. I've taken a few classes with Rose at the university."

He extended his hand and gripped it in a tight handshake. When he let go, however, he let his words sink in.

Rose and Brett had shared an acquaintance – a friendship? Relationship?

Had Rose had other relationships?

A myriad of questions circled his mind. He was idly aware that Rose and Brett were saying goodbye and Rose had begun to lead them into another store. The Doctor was aware that she was asking him something, but the Doctor just let go of her hand and exited the store to sit down on another bench. Rose was instantly there staring at him as if he was about to regenerate. He wanted to reassure her that he was fine; however, he didn't feel fine. His mind was thinking in all directions. Rose had gone looking for him – so he assumed there was no one else in her life. He knew this to be true as she had planned to stay with him in the Tardis.

But what about before?

They had been separated for years; it was naïve to think she'd been waiting for him all that time. She must have found someone to be with. He'd had other companions. The thought made his heart pang.

Of course there had been others. He was such a fool. She was gorgeous and brilliant and fantastic and he had no claim over her. His insides boiled, his heart thumped madly at the thought of anyone else who had touched her that wasn't him.

"Doctor!" Rose shouted. He looked at her – there was fear in her eyes and she was shaking slightly. Wisps of her hair trembled with the movement.

The Doctor looked down at their hands and saw that she gripped him so tightly that her knuckles were a pale red.

"Rose, I'm okay," his voice was hoarse which contradicted his words.

He never wanted to be without her…he'd have to let go of whatever this feeling was doing to him.

"Doctor, what's wrong? It was like you couldn't even hear me! I'm sorry I called you John – it was the only other name I've heard you use. Brett…"

At the mention of his name, the Doctor flinched and looked away.

"Oh," Rose whispered, "that's what this is about. Doctor, did you think that Brett and I…" her voice trailed and the Doctor looked at her. Her cheeks blushed and she was looking down at their hands. He forced himself to smile.

"It's okay Rose…you don't have to hide it for my sake." _Is this what it feels like to be heart broken_, he thought. _Or is it just jealousy?_ He'd felt the latter many times while traveling with her – but the feelings were more concentrated and real now that he was human.

Rose laughed gently and trailed circles onto his palm with her cold fingertips. "Doctor, I wasn't…hiding…anything. Nothing's happened between Brett and me. I was just…I'm not used to talking about…that with you. There wasn't time to before. Then again, there weren't any blokes then either." She didn't look at him and just continued trailing figures against his skin.

A blossom of relief prickled in him – and then the confusion set in as it often did, "But…the way he looked at you…"

Rose sighed, "I said I was never with him. I didn't say he didn't try."

His grip on her tightened and she laughed, "Good to know that hasn't changed."

"What do you mean?"

At that, Rose threw her head back with a hearty laugh, "You're jokin' right? You're jealous!"

The Doctor feigned surprise, "What are you talking about?"

Rose smacked his shoulder, "Alright, three words: Captain Jack Harkness."

And as much as he loved the man, the name in reference to Rose made him groan in exasperation. "Now Rose, that doesn't count, Jack would flirt with the trees if he could. Actually, wait, he did flirt with them, remember?"

She rolled her eyes and smacked him again, lightly, "Yeah, he flirts with everyone – but especially with me." Her smirk made him want to laugh – but the words kept him quiet for a moment.

He knew she was pushing his buttons, but neither could deny that the captain always had a soft spot for Rose. It seemed that everyone did.

The Doctor sighed, obviously defeated, "You're right."

Rose grinned cheekily and looked at the people around them. The Doctor continued staring at her and found that he really had to know.

"Rose," he held her hands in his, stilling her movements and making her look at him, confusion marked on her face, "Tell me the truth, who…have…" He wanted to ask her who else had been in her life, but any way that he thought of phrasing it sounded as if she had no right to be with anyone but him – but she did. Rose had every right to be with whomever she wanted to be with. No matter how much the thought of it made him want to tear out his hair.

Her warm eyes searched his. They showed so much, but they gave as much as they hid. He could see the pain in them, but there was something else there. It reached out to him like roots into the soil.

"Doctor," she moistened his lips and the motion caused hi to stare at them. He wanted to kiss her suddenly. Wanted to claim her with his lips and his touch. He didn't care who came before him (well, he'd try not to), but he was going to try and be the only. "you don't have to…I mean…," she laughed without humor, "this…is so weird. I'm not used to talking about this with you."

Her eyes welled up with unshed tears and he trailed his hand up her arm. She was wearing a jumper, but just touching her so made his heart beat with the strength of two.

"Rose, really, never mind, it doesn't matter anymore. Your life is yours to do as you wish. I know I've thrown it into a tailspin, but I hope that…" he didn't get to finish his thought as Rose suddenly clamped her hand over his mouth. It wasn't the first time she'd had to do that – he had quite a gob.

"No Doctor, that's not…," she let out an exasperated sigh, "there…there hasn't been anyone."

The Doctor stared at her, his mouth open under her palm. She removed her hand and looked down at the short space between them. The movement and sound around them melted away.

"In four years…" _no one?_ he finished silently, still not believing.

"Well, four years for you…a bit longer for me. And yes, no one."

They stared at each other for a moment. A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. He caught it and wiped it away with his thumb.

"But – I don't understand. Obviously there have been…opportunities. And you're beautiful."

Rose's cheeks reddened, but he was too in shock to take pleasure in the response.

"There just wasn't…I didn't want to. Since I've been here, well, a few months after, all I've done is work to try and get back to you. The most social I've been is work parties at Torchwood for the holidays and the university last year."

At her words, the Doctor felt an inexplicable sadness overwhelm him. In his short existence, he'd felt something akin to loneliness – he did not, for a moment, want Rose to ever feel like that. She may hide it from him, play it off, but she had been lonely, and it was his fault.

He had tried to get back to her, but the universe didn't wait for anyone – especially him. Instead, he had become accustomed to life without her the best he could, the hum of her memory always there.

"Rose, I…," but she interrupted him.

"Now, let's get the rest of what you need. We'll be hungry soon enough," and with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, she tugged him up and to the store.

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><p><em>I really wish FF would let us upload photos. My banner would look so pretty above each chapter *sigh* It's pink-ish :)<em>

_Anyway - to all of you who review and comment on my fic - I read each and every response! I just never know if ppl want me to clog up their inboxes with my replies :S But just know that I read them and they mean so much to me *hugs readers* I appreciate the encouragement :) Hope you enjoyed :)_


	10. We Will

After spending some time at a couple more clothing stores where Rose bought the Doctor 3 pairs of Converse trainers (one red, one black, one grey with black laces), several plain t shirts, jumpers and jeans, they were famished and headed off to a nearby café inside the center. Rose asked him to find them a booth while she went to order something for them. She watched him walk away. They hadn't really talked all that much since their chat earlier and Rose was mildly surprised at how uncomfortable she suddenly felt at the idea of sitting across from him.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him about her fears and how these past years were for her. She just didn't want to talk to anyone. Period. She'd spent the years since him closing into her own shell and letting people see what they wanted to see. It was the quickest way to get them to stop asking her questions.

She didn't tell the Doctor, but that first year after being lost…well, it was difficult. More than difficult, really. That sort of talk would only make him feel worse, and what good would that do either one of them?

The man behind the counter asked her for her order. She settled on a burger, chips and a banana milkshake for the Doctor and a club sandwich, chips for herself and some water. He assured her that they would take it to their table and so she headed towards the booth in the back that the Doctor had chosen for them.

Her nerves were firing and slight pain tingled from her fingertips. It was a reaction she had started to experience after their separation. She felt it when she was nervous or emotionally hurt. Rose sat down across from the Doctor and figured that honesty was the only way she was going to get through this… the only way they both were going to get through it. She decided she would answer any questions he might have. And, since it was him, she was sure there would be questions.

The Doctor looked at her, his eyes searching over any edge he could find. Her face, her hair…shoulders, arms…hands. It made her feel as if it were the first day of class and she was stark naked in front of everyone. She placed her hands under the table and twiddled with the hem of her jumper.

"Rose…"

"I ordered you a hamburger and chips. And a banana milkshake. I hope that's okay," she had interrupted him.

He sighed and smiled half-heartedly, "Of course. Bananas are good."

It was amazing how a simple phrase could have her reeling. The words made her heart pang. So much had changed since she first heard them.

"But Rose…we're going to have to talk about…things."

His hands fidgeted and she knew that it was just as, if not more, hard for him as it was for her. She let the feeling calm her nerves slightly.

"You can…you can ask me what you like Doctor," she concentrated on the piece of table in front of her, quite afraid of the feelings that were on the verge of spilling over.

Rose could feel his stare on her. It caused chills to run up and down her spine. She couldn't fathom how he could be out there in the universe (was he okay, she wondered) and still be there in front of her. Were they really the same man? Could he love her too? Did he already?

She had to control her emotions – but it was as if a floodgate had been opened. So much time had been spent hiding her feelings. After that first year…she just never wanted to open it up again. Not unless he was there next to her.

And now he was, sort of. So, why did she shake with the thought of those feelings finally pouring out?

"Rose…"

This time he was interrupted by the waiter settling their plates of food on the table. He was young, maybe a year or two younger than her. She noticed that his eyes lingered on her longer than was usual. Rose simply smiled kindly and stirred some lemon juice from the wedge they gave her into her water. The waiter then left after placing some extra napkins near the edge of the table.

She looked up at the Doctor and saw that he was slightly pouting. Rose smiled despite her inner turmoil. She had missed that pout.

"You okay Doctor? Not what you wanted to eat?" she doubted that was it as his food looked more inviting than hers.

He tilted his head as he looked at her, "Every man keeps looking at you."

Her eyes widened and she was glad she hadn't taken a sip of her water. She probably would have sprayed him with it.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, honestly curious.

The Doctor made an exasperated noise from the back of his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "Just seems like every bloke you come in contact with is instantly infatuated with you. Not that I don't understand it…"

"Are you…jealous of the waiter?" Her forehead crinkled. The Doctor in the Tardis wasn't as open with his jealousy as his human counterpart was currently being.

"I, I can't help it. I'm used to everyone looking at you, it's just different now…I suppose," he picked up a chip and tossed it into his mouth. He was still pouting.

Sighing, she replied, "First of all, not everyone stares at me. Second of all, of course it's different now. You're human. That's how…we feel sometimes," it was true, of course. But she didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Even if the conclusions might be right there in front of her. All she had to do was leap.

The Doctor tugged at his left ear and looked at her. "Yeah, I'm gettin' that." Then he picked up his burger and began to eat. She did the same with her sandwich and much to her surprise, that's how the rest of the meal unfolded. The occasional glance and smile. Some chit-chat. But all of it was silence. Every second of it.

It made the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach feel more like a never ending chasm.

**xoxo**

They were back in the car. He had hoped the day would have brought some answers, but now he was afraid of asking the questions. The look on her face when she had told him that there had been no one for her in as many years that they had been apart broke something in him. He wasn't going to leave her and he wanted for them to be more than companions, mates, whatever they currently were. But how could he get to that point if he couldn't even bring himself to ask her what that first year or months as she put it – her timeline was a bit interchangeable in her description, which worried him – were like? He was afraid of what he'd find once he re-opened that wound. How could she look at him after all the pain he caused?

It wasn't difficult to look at her. Not for him. He'd spent innumerable moments just thinking about her. Everything about her and wondering if she was okay off in this other world.

No, for him, her image was a reminder of why he had to keep moving on. Not because he knew he would eventually see her again, but because she would have wanted him to.  
>But what was his image for her? A painful reminder of the day they were torn away from each other. Of the day she had admitted her feelings only to have him respond the way he had. A reminder that there would never be another big blue box. He was no longer her Time Lord. He was just…what he was. But he still wanted to be hers.<p>

But would she have him?

The Doctor looked out the window, not able to look at Rose. Lunch had been filled with mindless conversation. She'd catch him looking at her from time to time – he would simply avert his eyes to someplace else.

She was stunning, but she had always been that.

He startled when he felt the touch of her hand on his. Her fingertips playfully skimmed his knuckles. The touch surprised him and he looked at her, despite his thoughts. Rose smiled sadly up at him. Her touch grew bolder as she intertwined her fingers with his, their palms meeting in the warmest and gentlest of touches. He grinned at her, a bit fuller than the tepid smiles he had given her at the café.

Rose smiled back and she inched closer to him on the seat. She settled her head on his shoulder and hugged his arm tight to her. His heart skipped a beat. Each thump reminded him of how very human he was. Her touch made his body react in numerous ways – his pulse raced, his skin chilled, his breath faltered and…well, other areas were quite aware of how close she was to him.

How exhausting. And exhilarating. It worried him.

"Doctor," she spoke up suddenly, "we'll talk, once we're back at the flat, yeah?" Rose tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes worried.

"Yeah, we will," he whispered to her and settled his head to rest on hers for the rest of the drive home.

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><p><em>Next chapter will be up soon! It's already written, but I'm sleepy. Thank you for all the reviews and alerts :D And faves :D<em>


	11. The Talk

_Yes, I am a horrible person - can't believe how much time it took me to put these up. I've had terrible writer's block, but on the plus side, I already had this written so you all get two chapters today :) Thank you to _penguinwobble_ whose review reminded me how much I miss my story. Thank you. _

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><p>They walked up the flights of stairs in similar silence as before except that their hands were clasped tightly since exiting the car. Rose found this interesting – she held onto his touch greedily, equally afraid of letting go and holding on. She was nervous about what would eventually come from their conversation.<p>

What would he ask? She wondered. It could be something about everything or it could be everything about something. Would they be able to move on? That thought plagued her most of all. Well, that and also when she'd find the time to study for that exam. A groan escaped her while thinking about it with dread.

The Doctor looked at her as they made their way down the hall, "Everything all right?" Rose saw that his eyes looked worried and already they looked so tired…so very human.

She smiled meekly, "Oh, just thinking about the exam I need to study for. Chemistry." He nodded.

Rose placed the key in its lock and they both entered in stone silence. They hadn't even entered the sitting room before the Doctor turned around sharply to face her.

"Rose, I…," his voice was determined and so…real that it caused a sudden panic to rise in her. He was standing so close to her as well and it was just too much.

Before he could continue, Rose raised her hands to signal him to stop, which he abruptly did. The Doctor looked at her questionably.

"Just," she stammered, "slow down, Doctor. We have time to talk about everything. But before we can do that, we seriously need to put these bags away. And I don't know about you, but I need to be in something more comfortable with a cuppa nearby, yeah?"

The Doctor smiled and exhaled a pent up breath," Yeah, you're right."

She smiled back at him and helped him put their day's purchases away in his room's closet and drawers. While he deposited his things in the common bathroom, Rose was folding his t-shirts and thinking how odd it was that they were in the same flat, each in a room next to the other. Aside from the size, there wasn't much difference from the Tardis.

Rose sighed as she placed the last t-shirt in the drawer. Except that there was a difference because Rose hadn't expected this life. She had spent years yearning for the life that had been ripped from her in that Big Blue Box with the man with too many hearts. A life of running and exploring and saving. She had been so hell bent on it that nothing else was given too much thought – aside from her family of course.

"Do you think your mother was upset we canceled on her?" his worried voice interrupted her thoughts.

With a smirk, she said, "You suddenly worried what my mum is upset about?" her tongue found its way pressed against her teeth. He looked distracted as he said, "Well, a bit harder to run away now."

Rose's smile dimmed as she walked past him to her room. Was it hard to walk away because of her or because of the location, she couldn't help but wonder.

"Well, she understood, miraculously. But anyway, I'm going to change clothes and then I'll make some tea and we'll…talk. See you in a bit." And hurriedly, she went to her room and closed the door behind her without looking at him.

**xoxo**

The Doctor watched her as she closed the door behind her, without even looking at him.

He walked into his own room feeling wrong for some reason. He closed the door and decided he should change as well. It was amazing how many items now filled his closet and chest of drawers. He picked up a pair of black sweats and looked for a t-shirt to put on. He found the pile of folded shirts in one of the top drawers and realized that Rose had folded and stored them there. He wasn't entirely sure why, but the thought made his breathing hitch. He chastised himself for the humanity he couldn't help but show and changed quickly, deciding on a dark blue t-shirt.

He had clothes and socks and shoes now, but in looking around him, he decided he'd need to pick up some items that would make it feel as if he actually lived there. They hadn't really talked about it yet, but he hoped that he'd continue living with Rose. Maybe they could go to a bookstore. Once he had money of course. He would contribute now.

The thought of getting a job made him let out a groan. Intriguing, however, was the fact that he wanted to work. Rose had already given him too much and he wanted to help in some way.

Oh, maybe I can help her study as well, he thought excitedly.

He walked out of his room to look for Rose in the kitchen. His sock-covered feet stepped soundlessly on the smooth, hardwood floor. Upon seeing her filling up the teapot at the sink, her back towards him, he was about to say something and stopped.

She didn't notice and so he stayed looking at her, reminiscent of the times he'd watch her without her noticing. They would be lounging in the Tardis or in some adventure, but he always had time to look at her.

Rose had pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and changed into a black t-shirt and grey sweats. Her feet were bare and the Doctor could see black-painted toenails peeking at him. That, for some reason, made his heart beat a little faster.

He coughed to announce himself and she startled, "Sorry, don't think I'm used to someone else being here yet." She smiled half-heartedly.

She placed the teapot on the stove. "So," she wiped her hands on her seats leaving damp trails in their wake, "while that's warming up, let's…talk."

The Doctor scratched the back of his head self-consciously, "Uh, are there any edible ball-bearings in this world?" His voice shook.

Rose looked at him confused for a second and then let out a laugh that sounded heavy with tension being released. He chuckled at his own displacement of nervousness. She walked toward him, close but not touching, and leaned against the counter. "You'll be happy to know that edible ball-bearings are plentiful here. I even have some in the cupboard." She laughed heartily at the glee on his face.

At that point, the whistling sound resonated from the pot and Rose went to pour it in the mugs, drowning the tea bags within. She held his mug and when he took it from her, their fingers grazed. His skin tingled from the contact.

"No let's go sit down and uh…," she trailed off.

He looked at her, suddenly uncertain but determined to finally have it happen. They made their way to the sitting room and positioned themselves on the couch. Rose sat against the armrest and cradled her mug in her hands. Tendrils from her messy ponytail trailed and framed her face. He sat against the opposite armrest and faced her, his own mug nestled against his palms. All was quiet between them.

The Doctor chuckled softly, "Well, this is new."

Rose smiled and let out a breathy, "Yea'."

He had so many questions bottled up in him, gathered together like a child with a stamp collection, from their years apart. Where were they now?

"I missed you," Rose whispered suddenly.

He looked up at her and their eyes made contact. He felt the blood pump harshly in his heart.

"I missed you," he said. An understatement.

She led the mug to her lips and blew air to cool the scalding liquid. "Your…your companions, the ones after me – I mean, they seem fantastic. I meet Donna, of course, but Martha…she seemed tough."

He wasn't sure if it could be called jealousy since the sound was more defeating than fighting. "They were extraordinary. It was…difficult with Martha. I met her…after you. But Donna, well, she's Donna." And he smiled, remembering his mate and choosing to forget what else probably happened after he joined Rose in this world.

Rose smiled brightly, "Yeah', she was brilliant. Bet she had you in line," she giggled.

"Quite right too."

The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them and their face lost the brightness her laughter had filled. He was about to apologize when she started again, "Martha was in love with you, right?"

The question made him uncomfortable.

"There were…issues," he sighed, "okay, well, not like I could help that…"

She laughed, "You never could Doctor."

A heavy silence enveloped them. The Doctor took a sip from his cuppa and placed the mug on the coffee table.

"How many worlds? How many times?"

Rose looked at him, a mixture of knowing and sadness in her features.

"Before yours? A dozen dimensions and a multitude of times."

At this he felt his anger soar, "Rose, you could have been killed! Your body, your mind – ripped apart by time…you could have died…"His heart raced and tears found their way to the back of his eyes.

Calmly, Rose took a sip and joined her mug with his on the table. She looked at him then, her face unchanged, "I know."

"You knew, and you did it anyway?"

"Yes. You don't seem to get that all I wanted was to be back with you. In the Tardis. The Doctor and Rose in the Tardis, the way it should be, remember? Besides, the worlds weren't all bad. Some were…amusing." She smiled at a distant memory.

Instantly curious, he asked, "What were we?"

"What makes you think you even knew me Doctor?"

"Because it's you," he answered honestly, "Because wherever there is a me, there has to be a you. The universe wouldn't make sense otherwise."

Rose looked at him and a smile grew on her lips. "Right," was all she said for a moment.

"Well?" he wanted to hear about what she had seen.

She settled further back into the sofa and said, "In one, we were mates at the university. Both quite human. Another we both worked at Torchwood – I was your boss. In another you were a doctor. As in, medical," she chuckled at the memory, "and in others, I didn't catch any glimpses, but I could always feel you there. Almost watching me. Oh, there was another."

At this the Doctor saw a blush color her cheeks.

"What was it? Don't tell me, we were both dating Jack." He cringed at the possibility.

She laughed heartily at the suggestion. "No, though that would have been hilarious to see. No, actually, we were both human in that one again. Married. With a little girl. I watched the three of them playing in the park."

The Doctor watched her, his eyes bright with wonder at those other worlds. All the wonders I've seen and that one is the one he yearned to see the most.

"Did we look happy?"

Rose's grin turned tender and the way her eyes delved into him made his hands shake.

"Yea', we looked very happy. Funny, no matter what situation I saw us in, even when we didn't know each other, we couldn't help but have some connection."

They were quiet for some time – the images of themselves in all those other situations playing like movies in their minds.

With a rush of heat that grew in his temples, he finally asked what he was most fearful of knowing, "What was it like, after…"

"After I was gone?" Her voice grew weak and he could see her eyes begin to glisten. He nodded.

"Mum didn't know what to do with me. I scared her a bit, I think."

His eyes grew wide, but before he could voice his thoughts, she smiled faintly, "I was okay on the outside – as okay as I could have looked. Everyday, I got up, ate a little, and went into Torchwood. I helped my mom during her pregnancy. I was there, but I wasn't. It hurt too much, Doctor. I didn't think anything could hurt that much."

The Doctor felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. Of course she would feel like that. Wasn't that the way he was without her? Went through the motions but wasn't always there. What an idiot.

He felt Rose's hands on his suddenly, settling their shaking.

"There's nothing you could have done Doctor. It was what it was. Right after it first happened, I held hope that you would come back and get me. But after I saw you…after I told you what I felt and then you just vanished – I knew that time had run out and that you wouldn't be coming back. And it's not your fault. You move on because you have to."

A pain seeped in his pores from the guilt that washed over him. The curse of the Time Lords. He'd told her that once and as much as he knew that it was true, he never really thought it would happen. Not to them. She tightened her grip on him and he felt comforted by the pressure.

"And…there hasn't been anyone? In all these years? You can tell me Rose." He needed to know that she wasn't battling her own feelings alone. Even if it was a man, a boyfriend, he still didn't want to think of her alone.

At this, the threatening tears overflowed gently down her cheeks. She wasn't sobbing but the moisture frightened him and he simply, without thinking, moved closer to her and cradled her to his chest. He'd done it so quickly that she ended up sitting on his lap. All he wanted was to hold her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he murmured in her ear.

"I…there hasn't been anyone – but Doctor, understand that it wasn't to feel sorry for myself or some other self-deprecating reason. I didn't want anyone. No one could possibly understand what I lost when I lost you." She spoke these words to his chest. The vibration of them resonated in him. He smoothed his hands over her hair.

"All I wanted was to go back to you. It didn't matter if you didn't love me the way I love you," he felt his heart burst at the words, "all I needed to do was be back in the Tardis with you. And no one seemed to understand that so I didn't talk about it. Life was about my family, work with Torchwood and getting back to you."

"But you started school," he whispered as he leaned his head against her, the guilt drowning him, but also inundated with how her body was making him feel.

"Yeah well, it got to the point where I needed something else to strive for and school felt right. I also thought it might help me in getting back." Rose snuggled closer to him and her fingertips toyed with the hem of his t-shirt.

The small movement, the slight touch, made his heart thump harder. If they kept this up, he was pretty sure that he'd have a heart attack soon. But he couldn't let go of the sudden urge to kiss her. It was he was accustomed to – it had been there since he first met her. It had increased from a dull ache to an undeniable urge. But deny it he did because she was Rose and he was the Doctor.

But now?

Wasn't it obvious that he wasn't going anywhere? He missed the Tardis and he would miss the adventures but no matter how much he thought of it, he couldn't help but smile at the realization that he was holding Rose.

Rose Tyler wasn't stuck on some other parallel universe – she was right there, in his arms and he was not going to lose her again, not when he finally had her. And it was these thoughts that led him to his next question.

"What about me?" he whispered.

Her gentle touches against his stomach, at the hem of his shirt, stilled. Rose looked up at him, questions echoing in her eyes.

"What?" He noticed that her breathing hitched.

"I'm him. I know that you feel it, but it doesn't erase that he's still out there. I can't expect you to erase him as it would mean that you'd erase me – but I need to know what all this means for you, me…us? Because I meant what I said yesterday….was it really only yesterday?"

She nodded, her eyes not leaving his for a second.

"I meant it and I'm not going anywhere…unless you want me to. So, I need to know, Rose, are you still going to try and go back to him?" His voice cracked at the end, but he needed to know where he stood. He idly blamed his long-held impatience and new-found human want.

Rose continued looking up at him, her hand now tightly grasping the front of his shirt. Her mouth was open, but no words were said. And then he felt a familiar emotion, but because he was human and it was Rose, the adrenaline had him feeling dizzy.

It was fear.


	12. Again

The image should have been ludicrous.

Rose Tyler sitting on the Doctor's lap. Cradled in his arms. In her flat.

It sounded like insanity, but it felt so good.

She traced her fingertips down his inner left arm which was laid across her stomach. His hand gripped her hip gently. Rose felt a long forgotten feeling creep into her throat that dripped down to pool in her stomach, making her feel suddenly very warm. She looked up at him and found that he was already watching her with growing intensity. His eyes were pools of chocolate melting in their shared stare. Her gaze shifted to his lips and Rose, without thinking, licked her lips.

It was only yesterday that she had claimed them with hers and she felt that same urge bubble up inside of her.

Would it be too much to want another kiss so soon?

Would he _**want**_ to kiss her?

Would he want _**more**_ than that?

Although she was sure her body would be more than happy to oblige, she knew that was not a good idea. Her mind fought with her heart. One wanted a normal beginning to a relationship – a shy beginning that, with time, grew into something eternal. The other knew that time was a privilege and just _**really**_ wanted to kiss him already.

She led a fingertip up to his forehead and down his cheek, along the jaw and finally to his lips. Rose lazily followed the lines of his mouth with her touch. His lips parted under the contact and it made her still for a second. Her heart pumped harder as she lined the opening of his lips gently with her finger. Rose studied her touch on him as if she were staring at the bountiful colors of a Jim Dine painting. The warmth of his breath on her skin did nothing to help the way she was feeling.

Lost in her feelings for a moment, she startled suddenly when his hands reached up and held hers for a moment. She thought she'd done something wrong, but that was quickly extinguished when she felt his fingers intertwine with hers and when he dipped his head, meeting his lips with hers. Her eyes were wide with surprise at first as his kiss, which was feather light, was more than a touch than an actual kiss.

She stared at him, incredulous and wanting, but she dared not move.

Didn't want to move.

Taking this as encouragement, he reached down to her again, his lips a bit more feverish with desire. Their lips moved in perfect rhythm and it made her heart swell that something could feel like that. She felt the Doctor part her lips gently with his tongue. She couldn't resist.

His tongue traced her lips and teeth in search of her. The sensation made her moan into his mouth and instantly she felt the tough grip of his other hand on her waist. Rose ran her hands through his hair. Such great hair.

Rose couldn't think. Thoughts were unable to stay coherent in her mind. The Doctor and his touch, his hands and his tongue, that's all there was. And if that wasn't enough, the thumping of his heart, his very single and human heart, was pumping fiercely against her chest. It soothed her as much as it frightened her and it was the fright that made her mind begin to make sense again.

She tapered off her kisses until they became mere touches. Rose didn't want it to be the end, but she knew that they couldn't go any farther. Not yet. Seeming to understand, the Doctor kissed her one more time on her lips and another on her forehead. He held her to him then – no questions or pleas.

And the fear she had felt clouding her slowly began to dissipate.

**xoxo**

If it meant that he'd be getting kissed like that again - he'd wait forever. It didn't matter that forever was not his to give anymore, but he'd never meant the thought more than in that moment. Having Rose's touch on him, the heat of her skin, dizzied him. The Doctor had noticed when reality had hit her, the moment her lips stilled for just a second. It had been enough to let him know that, although they fit together as well as two puzzle pieces, it was still not time for them to be that way just yet. But he'd wait. Of course he would.

He lazily combed his fingers through her hair and just enjoyed the weight of her on him. They sat still aside from that.

After awhile, he heard Rose's soft voice, "We'll have to go to mum's tomorrow. No more canceling - have to face the real world now." He noted a twinge of something sad in her voice.

The Doctor squeezed her shoulders and laid a kiss at her temple. He felt her shudder and he smiled. "Will you be there?"

She chuckled, "Yea' of course."

"Then reality doesn't seem so bad."

And he kissed her temple one more time.

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><p><em>I know, I know - it's short. But seriously, if you knew how much agony my writer's blocklaziness has been plaguing me - you'd be rejoicing right now :) Hope you enjoyed. _


	13. The Stomach Flip

Rose looked around her room for her car keys. It had been awhile since she last drove. Where could they be?

In setting aside some magazines near her nightstand, she noticed her book bag overflowing with her text and notes. She groaned as she stooped down to pick it up. She'd forgotten about that test. After they returned from her mum's she'd have to make sure to study the best she could. The test was Wednesday and although she already had an almost perfect score in the course, she didn't want to blow this exam.

"Rose, do I need to..." the Doctor's voice trailed off as he noticed her facial expression and the bag she held.

Automatically, his face burst with anxiety, "Did you miss your exam? Can you make it up? Maybe if I go..." Rose's laughter interrupted him.

"I didn't miss it, the exam is until Wednesday - I just forgot about it is all. I'll start studying when we come back from mum's." She set the bag on her bed and continued looking for her keys.

"Well, if it makes it better, we can always skip your mum's and I'll help you study," his voice mimicked seriousness rather well, she thought.

"Doctor I don't think...Oh! There they are," she pulled out her keys from between the nightstand and bed, "Anyway, that's not a good idea. We have to go to mum's. You're going to have a new identity, and meet Tony and besides," she stood up and ruffled his hair, "you can't hide from her forever."

Rose gave him one last smile before heading down the hall to look for her coat.

**XOXO**

"She's not going to slap you."

It was all Rose could say to his silence as she drove them some ways out of the city and into the vast land of the country. The Doctor attempted to smile at her, but it wouldn't last long until he lost himself in thought as the greenery rolled past his window.

He wasn't really afraid of Jackie slapping him, although he'd have to admit that it was a high possibility of it happening. No, he just wasn't accustom to the situation. He'd spent time with Jackie before, but the threat of danger and adventure always lurked behind every corner - always offering him the easy out of situations. Now there would be none of that. If he wanted to be with Rose, and of course he wanted to stay with her, he'd have to get used to seeing, not only Jackie, but Pete and Tony and who knew who else on a regular basis. He didn't resent it - it just sort of terrified him a bit.

Was this what normal human males felt? Something about meeting the girlfriend's parents and all?

Still, they hardly defined what they were and of course he'd met her parents before...

The Doctor's head started pounding. He lifted a hand and rubbed across his forehead to his temple.

"You all right?" Rose asked. Her voice full of worry as she tried to look at him and the road.

He tried his best to smile at her and urged with a look in his eyes for her to pay attention to the road, which she did after flashing a reassuring smile at him. She reached over and grabbed his hand. Instantly, he felt some version of calm wash over him.

He'd traveled through time and space, he could deal with the concept of family. Although it had been a long time ago, that concept was not as foreign to him as he made it seem. Their fingers intertwined and he gave her hand a squeeze. Things would be okay.

After awhile they finally drove up a hill and a wide, but not outrageously big, white house came into view. There were bits of color all around it, and as they got closer, the Doctor noticed that the specks came from the bright flowers that were planted along the home. There were so many kinds: sunflowers, lilies, carnations and roses. The flowers would have been impossible to grow in Rose's proper world, but here they flourished even against the cold breeze. He stared on at them in wonder as Rose parked her black Sedan on the gravel approaching the house.

Noticing his stare, she said, "It's weird, right? Mum couldn't even keep simple herbs alive back home, but here...it's like...it's impossible to mess them up." He looked over at her and smiled. It was things like that, the unexpected wonderment of the ordinary that reassured him that they would be okay.

Rose smiled at him and nudged him with her shoulder that they should get inside.

**XOXO**

"Well, it was about time you two get here, come inside."

Jackie ushered, well, pulled, them through the doorway. The Doctor looked up onto the high ceiling and his eyes trailed up a winding staircase. It certainly was more luxurious on the inside than the outside. Things were white and almost shiny, but there was a lived-in feeling as well. Maybe it was the warmth and the sound of a television playing something cheerful off in the background.

"Pete! Tony! Rose and the Doctor are here!" shouted Jackie, the shrillness causing déjà vu for the Doctor.

She led them further down the hallway, past a spot-free sitting room, and a gleaming dining room. The almost-cold looking areas were making him nervous, but then they passed the kitchen and he could see (and smell) that it wasn't much different from the Powell estate. He could smell cookies and the distant aroma of tea. The kitchen looked lived in and it made his heart ache with the memory of it. Jackie kept on walking, talking about something or other to Rose who was nodding and laughing, all the while holding onto his hand. They approached a large room where he could see a Christmas cartoon playing on a large television. There was also a large Christmas tree in the corner, lit with twinkling lights and he could see Pete and a little boy of about 5 sitting next to him on the couch.

"Is it...Christmas?" his voice sounded hurt and perplexed even to his own ears.

Jackie smacked him lightly on the arm, "Not yet, of course! 'bout three weeks shy though. Pete, Tony, come say hello."

Obediently, Pete stood up and smiled warmly at them both. He hugged Rose and placed a kiss lightly on her temple. The Doctor could see Rose happily hug him back. The memory of her crying over a man she couldn't save inched just that much further away in his mind.

He then turned his attention to the Doctor, "Doctor, good to see you again. Ready to get this identity business done with?" The Doctor nodded uneasily.

Rose moved over to him and placed a hand on his back. "It's fine Doctor, whatever you choose is going to be good...just stay away from anything too weird, okay? People will have to call you whatever you choose...remember that." The teasing tone raveled with the words made him feel better.

A tugging on his jeans distracted him suddenly as he looked down and was met with eyes so similar to Rose's that, had he not known this family, he would have thought Tony was her son. The thought made his stomach do a little flip.

The Doctor kneeled down to be at eye-level with the oddly quiet Tony. It was quite the opposite of what Tyler would be, he thought.

"Hello, Tony. I'm the Doctor," he reached out his hand and let out a soft sigh of relief when Tony met it with his own for a tiny shake.

"Rose tells stories about you," he let go of his hand and offered him a shy smile. The Doctor beamed suddenly, which only made Tony's smile widen.

"Well, that's good to know," he stole a glimpse of Rose just as her cheeks reddened, "what are you watching there, Tony?" He pointed to the TV screen.

"Rudolph, wanna come watch?" his eyes held such a sparkle to them that it made him remember so much. He would have loved the Tardis, he thought idly.

Pete interrupted, "We'll come back as soon as daddy and the Doctor get some work done, alright?"

The little boy's smile dimmed a tiny bit, but not much as he ran back to the couch to continue watching his show.

"I'm going to help mum with the food, you gonna be okay?" Rose searched his eyes as he straightened up. He noticed a small ache in his back. That was new.

"He'll be fine Rose, we'll just go get this done and over with so we can have a nice family meal, come on then Doctor," and he walked to the other side of the room, and up some stairs the Doctor hadn't noticed were there before.

He took one more look at Rose and Jackie, gave them a small and hopefully reassuring smile and followed Pete out of the room.

**XOXO**

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><p><em>Slowly but surely, it's coming along folks - I hope you enjoy it!<em>


	14. Confirmation

_Yes. I know. I have been MIA for so so sooooo long. I'm sorry! I will try my best to be a good fanfic author. I hope those that still follow me enjoy this short chapter. I need to get back into the groove, so I hope you like :)_

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><p>The Doctor sat in Pete's home office. His eyes wandered about to each of the four walls. There were books piled up on shelves on a bookcase, framed photos of Tony and Jackie. There was one of Rose to his right. It was taken on a sunny day and so her hair was shining against the sunlight. She had on a smile, though it wasn't her usual Rose Tyler smile. Nonetheless, it caused his heart to skip a beat.<p>

Pete was sitting at his large mahogany desk across from the Doctor. He was sorting through some papers, and the Doctor noticed that he was being very careful not to look at him.

"Pete, is...everything all right?" his voice sounded different in the large office and he noticed that his palms were moist. He wasn't yet used to the nervousness that came along with his new body.

He watched as Pete seemed to let out an exasperated sigh and looked up. The look he gave him startled him. It was a mix of anger, apprehension and defeat. The look confused him greatly.

"What...what is it?"

Pete placed the papers he had in his hand aside and rubbed his scalp with both his hands. Well, that can't be good, thought the Doctor.

"It's just difficult...this situation. It's just...difficult."

The Doctor cleared his throat and looked down at his hands, "Yes, well, I...yes."

There was a moment of silence and then he heard Pete say, "You talk like him."

That caused the Doctor's head to snap up, a look of confusion on his face."

"Yes, well, probably because I am him. Me. You know what I mean."

Pete nodded, "I just don't want her...to get anymore hurt - you understand that, don't you?"

In those words, the Doctor could see the man that he failed to save in Rose's proper world. The man that she had wanted to save, even though she had never really known him. He could see how much he loved her even though she wasn't technically his. He couldn't help but feel grateful for the fact that Rose was at least surrounded by her family. A family that wanted her safe, just like he always wanted for her. So, of course he understood what Pete meant. Rose had been hurt by so many and so much in her young life, there was no need for one more to do the damage. Especially the one who had done most of the damage already.

"Of course I understand. But...I'm not going anywhere."

"I know that you don't have the Tardis, that you're fully human...but that doesn't mean that you don't have that brilliant mind of yours and with that you could build yourself a new..."

"No Pete. I'm not going anywhere," his voice held a conviction that seemed to stall Pete in his thoughts. They stared at each other for a few more seconds and then Pete gave him a crooked grin, and the look in his eyes softened.

"Well then, let's give you a name then, shall we?"

xoxo

Rose was helping her mum with dinner, but her eyes kept trailing back to the steps that the Doctor had climbed to get to Pete's office. She hoped that he wasn't giving him too hard a time. She bit her lip and wished he'd return.

"He'll be right back, love. He needs that identity if he wants to have a proper life here." Jackie opened the door to the oven, checking the rolls.

Rose sighed and continued cutting the carrots for the salad. Suddenly, she felt the touch of a hand on her shoulder. She turned quickly, expecting the Doctor, but realized that it was her mum with a concerned look on her face.

"Rose, are you alright?" Her brow furrowed and her lips were taut.

She set down the knife and turned to face her mum, "I'm fine, really. It's just...different."

Jackie's forehead smoothed out and she lifted a hand to brush away the wisps of hair that had fallen in front of Rose's eyes. "Of course it's different. You got used to being by yourself and to the fact that he was no longer going to be poppin' in sweetheart. But he's here now." The last line caused her mum to smile. And that alone caused Rose's heart to swell.

"So, you really think it's him then," Rose realized that her voice was at a whisper.

Jackie leaned in, "He looks at you like you're the only person in existence - nothing's changed sweetheart." And with that she gave Rose's shoulder a squeeze and turned to finish up with the rolls.

Rose leaned against the counter, brought her fingertips up to her lips and reminded herself of the kisses she and the Doctor had shared the night before. Her mother's words flipped in her mind, causing her heart to do the same. And with a huge bright smile of her very own, she turned to cut the last of the carrots, suddenly feeling more happy that she had in awhile.

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><p><em>Thank you for subscribing to me as an author and to the stories I write. I notice every alert that I get and read every review. Thank you for continuing to enjoy!<em>


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